Goodbye 2020

As we get ready to ring in the New Year, we begin to look back on this crazy year of the COVID pandemic.  I, like the rest, have begun to look back on my year and have noticed I had to change my perspective to see that some pretty spectacular things have happened!  I remember being touched when I read a quote that stated 2020 was the year we stopped taking things for granted and instead began seeing the things we are grateful for.  Let’s take a look at my new perspective on what I can be grateful for. 

•  For many years now my life has been routinely chaotic with working two jobs.  I never felt as though I got to spend much time at home.  2020 was the year I can no longer say that!

•  I was, and still am, fortunate to still have the ability to work two jobs as technology has been very helpful in this department.

• I was able to learn a whole new way of connecting with people through the telephone and video chat (although it’s not the same as human interaction!).

• I learned there is a plethora of fun internet activities to keep children entertained and found new ways to share books with children. 

• I am very grateful for my healthy immune system as I have not tested positive for COVID (so keep your mask on and social distance!!!).

• I am grateful for my loved ones as they too have been able to stay healthy.  I also recognized that I may have taken our time together for granted as I was not able to enjoy spending the holidays with every family member!

• Lastly, I am very grateful for the opportunity to begin sharing my life with my partner as we start to build our future together!

There are so many other things to be grateful for as well!  As we go in to 2021, I work on not setting my expectations too high as it may be somewhat of a repeat of 2020.  However, I will go into the New Year with a new perspective and will continue counting the things I am grateful for and open my eyes to no longer take things for granted!  As you review your year of 2020, I challenge you to change your perspective and find things you are grateful for! 

Give Life Meaning

We’re heading into the last few months of 2020 and this year feels a whole lot different! For many years we may have relied on the upcoming months to be the season of joy and full of festivities around the holidays. Instead as this holiday season approaches, I have felt the heaviness, difficulty, and uncertainty of how the next few months will unfold. I for one can say that this is completely understandable! After all we have had to experience the many changes and stress influenced by the COVID-19 pandemic. In addition, the news constantly reminds us of the additional challenges that are taking place socially, politically, and economically.

If you are struggling to stay hopeful and positive right now, then this article is dedicated to you. I’m also struggling to stay hopeful and positive right now. It’s discouraging and frustrating to dig deep to find positivity when the next challenge or problem seems to be right around the corner. Recently, I walked into my office feeling a lack of confidence and worry on how I would share hope and positivity with my clients when everything outside of my office seemed so negative. Additionally, to be more vulnerable with you guys, that moment terrified me! For the last 5 years, Reconnecting Relationships Therapy has been my home away from home. It has been an honor to serve the Dallas Fort Worth area by working with my clients. All these years my heart has been filled with gratitude and excitement as clients have shared their stories and invited me to help them create positive changes. Although most stories that are shared with me in therapy are filled with suffering and conflict, I’ve known what my purpose has been all these years. Feeling those negative emotions as I walked into my office, forced me to pause and acknowledge my current predicament.  I’m struggling with sadness, fear, frustration, and hopelessness. Since I hadn’t been diligent in processing these negative emotions outside of work, they were now making me question my purpose.

According to the CDC, about 41% of the U.S. population reported experienced mental health issues as a result of the pandemic. Common mental health issues reported included anxiety, depression, trauma-related symptoms, and substance use disorders. If you are not experiencing one of these mental health issues, perhaps you have noticed other symptoms associated with the increase of stress and anxiety.

 So, what can we do? We may not be able to control many things about a pandemic. We definitely can’t bury our heads in the sand and pretend that life is not filled with various challenges right now. What we can do to gain some stability, is to find what is in our control. We can control how we use our time sheltering at home. We can control what decisions we make that care for our physical and mental health. We can decide to have a mindset and practice actions that remind us that our life still has meaning. We can choose to live a life that is meaningful and has purpose. The most valuable support we can have at this time is finding that our life still has meaning when we are attempting to cope, survive, and restructure during difficult times.

One of my favorite books is by Viktor Frankl, which I find always reminds me of man’s strength and resilience in the worst situations. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he describes his experience while being held at a concentration camp during World War II. He reminds us of what helps people survive desperate circumstances, “The meaning of life is to give life meaning.” In times of uncertainty, crisis, or change we have the power to choose what will give us meaning or purpose. I may not like the changes and negative emotions that the pandemic has brought but I can choose to focus on what gives my life meaning. I’m committed to continue helping couples reduce conflict and to help my clients experience joy in their relationships!