Narratives of Growth

Power of Personal Narratives

Personal narratives are the stories we tell ourselves and others about who we are. These stories help us make meaning of our experiences, as well as our relationships with others. Personal narratives can shape our identities, influence our behaviors, and guide how we make decisions. By outlining our understanding of the past, present, and future, narratives play a powerful role in our lives. These stories give our existence meaning, create continuity in our lives, and give us a way to understand both our challenges and successes in life.

Not only do we create narratives about ourselves, but we also create stories about others and our relationships. Additionally, the stories others tell of us also mold our identities, as we often internalize the stories and expectations of others, whether positive or negative. These external narratives can shape self-esteem, influence behavior, and alter how we perceive our significance. When others label us—whether as capable, lazy, or flawed—we may unknowingly adopt these labels and embody these roles as our own. 

Narratives in Relationships

Collective narratives in relationships, such as stories of overcoming challenges together or celebrating shared accomplishments, can create a sense of unity and mutual support. For example, recalling how we navigated challenges in our relationship can strengthen messages of commitment and trust. Storytelling can also communicate love and help us maintain intimacy. Reflecting with our partner on how we met, or the details of our first date, can help rekindle feelings of closeness. 

When we allow negative narratives to dominate our relationships, such as believing someone is always untrustworthy or that “nothing ever changes,” communication slowly erodes and creates disconnection. Stories stuck in a problem perspective can limit growth of the relationship, foster resentment, and prevent us from seeing potential or understanding the intentions of our loved ones. 

These problem-saturated stories can reinforce negative cycles by limiting our view of each other to our moments of shortcomings. When we view others and our relationships through a lens of problem-saturated narratives, we tend to look for the times and interactions that support our negative assumptions. This inevitably leaves little room for us to recognize moments of connection and growth in our relationships, even possibly preventing desired change to take place in the relationship. 

Shifting Narratives for Growth

Even in the most problem-focused stories, we have the power to edit the narratives of our life. We can do this by actively seeking to identify moments of growth and connection. Practicing empathy, discussing relationship concerns openly, and celebrating progress with our loved ones can help us create more narratives of connection and growth. Regularly reflecting on progress with our loved ones allows us to articulate and understand what efforts have been working and what these changes mean to us. 

Here are some questions to reflect on and help create a new relationship story:

1. What are the stories you tell about how you and your partner met? What attracted you to each other?

2. What challenges have you faced as a couple? How has your relationship grown from these challenges? 

3. What narrative do you hold about how you handle conflict? What are some examples of times you both have handled conflict well? What did you learn about your partner as a result? 

4. How do you talk about your joint successes as a couple? How do successes as a couple reflect the ways you both support each other? 

5. Where is your story taking you both in the future? What shared goals and values will guide you two to your future together? 

Amy Coryell, LMFT-Associate, Supervised by Tanya Alexander, LMFT-S

Schedule with our Fort Worth therapist today!

If you are interested in further exploring this topic in your relationships, you can schedule a free consultation with Amy through the link below or email her at amy@reconnectingrelationships.com

Platonic Intimacy: Why Close Friendships Matter

As we prepare to welcome a new year, have you considered thinking about how many new friendships you have made this past year? Having deep connections is not only achieved by having a romantic partner but by also being able to have a deep bond with friends that does not involve sexual or romantic feelings. 

Understanding Platonic Intimacy 

I recently heard about platonic intimacy and its necessity of having more relationships in which we can have emotional intimacy. You might ask yourself what consists of platonic intimacy? Platonic intimacy is having an emotional bond with someone that does not involve romantic or sexual feelings. It involves having mutual respect and trust, stability and longevity, flexibility and freedom, as well as personal growth and inclusivity. Let’s further explore the components of developing platonic intimacy. 

❖ Emotional connection in a platonic relationship means having emotional depth without romantic or sexual desires. Connections are developed at an emotional and intellectual level. 

❖ Stability is more likely to occur in a platonic bond due to the less likelihood of conflict that often occurs in romantic relationships. Since the relationship is non sexual and no romantic feelings are involved, it is easier for the friendship to withstand change and provide companionship for many years. 

❖ Flexibility and freedom in a platonic bond allows friends to pursue their own interests and goals and in a platonic friendship there is no high risk of losing the connection. Romantic relationships are more likely to develop conflict and tension when both partners are not aligned in their interests or life goals. 

❖ Personal growth in platonic relationships can be offered by unconditionally supporting each other’s endeavors and providing a safe space to explore new ideas. It’s important to have friends who can provide us a safe space to be ourselves and to pursue our goals. Our mental health is also positively impacted when we have friends who encourage us to continue pursuing our dreams and goals. 

❖ Inclusivity gives us the opportunity to develop more connections and broaden our social circle. Romantic relationships are more exclusive while platonic friendships allow us to have multiple close friends. 

Statistics on friendships 

Relying on our romantic partners to fulfill all our needs is not realistic and can lead to greater issues. Therefore, it is very important for us to find our people with whom we can talk and connect with. Research shows that in the elderly community about 30% suffer from anxiety and depression due to a lack of social support. About 22% of U.S. adults experience loneliness as well as 30% of the young adult population. Of the millennial population 25% do not have acquaintances, 22% have no friends, 27% have no close friends and 30% have no best friends. 

Creating and maintaining friendships 

So how can I make friends? Where do I start? Many people struggle with not knowing where or how to start meeting new people. Shyness can become a factor for many as well as fear of rejection in meeting new people. Joining clubs or participating in activities you enjoy are an excellent way to put yourself out there and make friendships. Instead of focusing on meeting specific individuals try being a part of a community that can lend you the opportunity to meet people with common interests as you. 

As you make new bonds it is important to keep in mind that strong relationships need trust and consistency. It is important to keep promises and provide support when our friends need it. Also, investing in the relationships by making time to do activities you both enjoy and checking in with each other. Some friends enjoy having rituals such as meeting once a month for dinner or going to yoga classes once a week together. Deep connections are also strengthened by being vulnerable and opening up to others. Remember that you can also initiate contact and you do not have to wait for others to check in with you. Follow up with those new people you meet and also start asking meaningful questions to start learning more about others. Embrace new friendships with curiosity. 

Here are a few ideas where you can start your journey towards finding new friends!

• Book club: Books and Brews, and Silent Book Club 

• Dance classes: Dance with Me 

• Running or cycling clubs: Fort Worth Running Club and Cox Running Club

• Church groups: check with your local church

• Volunteering at an animal shelter: Fort Worth Animal Shelter

Lilian Ochoa, LMFT-Associate, Supervised by Joyce Miles Jacquote, LMFT-S

Improve Mental Health Through Friendship: Schedule with a Therapist in Fort Worth

If you would like to continue exploring how to make new friends, let's schedule a session. Together we can explore how you can make new relationships in this upcoming new year! 

What is Somatic Therapy?

Just like talk therapy relies heavily on talking, somatic therapy relies heavily on the “soma” (Greek for the body). Although talking is involved, somatic therapy focuses on the body and the interconnection with the mind. As a counselor, I often hear something to the effect of “I know it, but I don’t feel it.” In other words, not feeling it on a visceral level. To be more specific, it might come in the form of “I know that I am capable, but I don’t feel capable." This speaks to a disconnection between the mind and body. Somatic therapy is a holistic approach that works at bringing these back into connection so that the knowing and feeling are no longer at odds with each other. When they are at odds it can create a lot of tension and turmoil.

Not only does somatic therapy work with this interconnectedness, it can also help to reprocess and/or heal trauma. New York Times Bestseller, “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, explains that the body stores trauma and that it is in accessing the body that trauma can be released and/or healed. Harvard echoes this sentiment by stating that, “trauma can register within our bodies on a cellular level. What that means to an individual — and how best to heal from serious traumas encountered in life — is the focus of a newer form of mental health counseling known as somatic therapy.”

Types of Somatic Therapy

Somatic therapy can come in many forms including, but not limited to:

• Somatic Experiencing: a naturalistic, neurobiological, body-oriented approach to healing trauma and other stress-related disorders.

• Hakomi: an experiential psychotherapy that uses mindfulness and somatic interventions to heal attachment wounds and developmental trauma.

• EMDR: a psychotherapy treatment that is designed to desensitize and reprocess traumatic memories.

• Brainspotting: a treatment method that works by identifying, processing and releasing core neurophysiological sources of emotional/body pain, trauma, dissociation and a variety of other challenging symptoms.

• Gestalt: a holistic approach focusing on the interconnectedness of an individual's thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and environment.

What to Expect from Somatic Therapy

Some basics to expect in somatic therapy might include, but are not limited to:

• Body Awareness: developing consciousness and connection within the body.

• Pendulation: shifting from a state of stress/tension to calm, repeating this cycle as many times as necessary/appropriate.

• Titration: working through trauma in a small, bite-size manner where it is manageable and not overly distressing (working through small chunks at a time).

• Resourcing: reinforcing resources (people, places, things, etc.) that bring about feelings of calm and safety.

Benefits of Somatic Therapy

Somatic therapies have been known to help with many issues/concerns, such as:

• Anxiety

• Attachment wounds

• Chronic pain or other somatic issues

• Depression

• Grief

• PTSD and other stress-related disorders

Meet Meaghan Semple, LPC

Somatic Therapy | Fort Worth Women’s Counseling

Are you interested in finding out more about somatic therapies? Meaghan Semple, LPC from Fort Worth Women’s Counseling is happy to help. She is a local therapist that provides Somatic Experiencing and EMDR. Feel free to contact her with questions or to schedule a free consultation call.

FINDING SERENITY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

How can we improve our mental health and reduce anxiety during the Holidays?

Before we dive into the topic, get comfortable and take a deep breath for 4 counts, hold it for 4 counts, and release the breath and any negative energy you feel for a count of 6.  Repeat this simple box breathing exercise slowly 4 to 6 times in a row to manage stress and anxiety, lower your heartrate, and improve your focus, concentration and state of mind.  You can practice box breathing anytime you have a quiet space and five minutes during the holidays to set your positive intentions and relax.

Why Does My Anxiety Increase During the Holidays?

Top 10 Stressors Include:

1.  Financial pressure and concerns – buying gifts, outfits, food, decorations, travel, holiday shows and buying tickets, and the cost of throwing parties and hosting holiday events

2.  Anxiety over decision-making – for example, choosing gifts, who to invite to Thanksgiving or holiday gatherings, and who not to invite in certain cases

3. Feeling rushed and overscheduled

4. Family dynamics extending to our family of origin and distant relatives we see less often

5. Overwhelming commercialism and holiday hype everywhere we turn

6. Isolation and lack of emotional support can lead to feeling depressed and emotionally dysregulation

7. Food – buying it, cooking it, and overeating as a coping mechanism

8. Social Media related anxiety – comparing to others on SM and what they are buying and doing during the Holidays can trigger thoughts like “their family looks perfect”, “I am not good enough”, “I wish I could afford to buy a car for my wife like they can”, for example

9. Other shoppers, huge crowds, and traffic on busy shopping days like Black Friday 

10. Recent situational holiday stressors include lingering health and safety issues initiated by COVID or other illnesses, large family gatherings, and the possibility of political discussions or disagreements with friends and family members this year in 2024

COPING STRATEGIES TO REDUCE STRESS, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

• Simple Earth Grounding – INSTRUCTIONS 

Lie flat on the floor and consider the ground beneath you. This can be done inside or outside in the shade or sun. Conceptualize how the ground is holding you up and think, “the Earth is always there for me”.  The heaviness you feel is gravity, pulling you and holding you to the Earth.  Focus and sense the back of your lungs and let yourself draw breaths from the back of your lungs closest to the ground.  Imagine the Earth is meeting you right where you are and allow the Earth to breath with you.  Imagine the Earth is a giant lung breathing into your lungs and rejuvenating you.  The Earth is kind, gentle, and taking her time to breath with you and into you.  Note how you slow down, how your breath expands, and how your belly softens.  Note how your mind slows down and how grounded and connected to the Earth you are feeling.  Notice your sense of well-being has returned (Mischke-Reeds, 2018). 

*This exercise can be located in the Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox, written by Manuela Mischke-Reeds, MA, LMFT and purchased online through Amazon or other retailers. (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=somatic+psychotherapy+toolbox&hvadid=598656745912&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9027255&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=4003203966055240108&hvtargid=kwd-483023752693&hydadcr=15529_13558536&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_18d117kex8_e). 

• Taking care of yourself is essential during the Holiday Season.  Here are a few self-care techniques:

1.  Avoid overscheduling yourself – saying “no” to certain events or activities during the Holiday is essential self-care.  Do not feel guilty for creating space for a break when you need it.

2. Add self-care to your calendar and follow-through including physical exercise, meditation breaks, and taking a walk with a friend.

3. Use affirmative thoughts when feeling anxious or stressed such as “Let it go.”  “I am whole, relaxed, and free of worry.”  

If you are spiritually inclined, an affirmative thought might be, “I release this anxiety and stress to God or to my Higher Power.”

1. If a wave of depression or anxiety is coming your way, journaling your feelings or writing out a gratitude list daily can help process your emotions and remind you of what you are thankful for during the Holiday Season.

2. Avoid isolating and talk to a professional counselor or therapist including but not limited to an LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) or an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor).  

WE ARE HERE TO HELP AT RECONNECTING RELATIONSHIPS THERAPY

Kandace Williamson, LMFT Associate – Supervised by Ryan Lloyd, Ph.D.

I hope you found this blog helpful in your journey towards healing.  If you are experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, or fear surrounding the holidays, therapy in Fort Worth may be beneficial for you.  And, if you are seeking couples counseling, individual therapy, teen therapy, or family therapy, Reconnecting Relationships Therapy can help!  Please feel free to visit our website and research my profile and our other therapist’s profiles to learn more and find the right fit for you and your needs.  Making an appointment online is simple and our website is easy to navigate and will guide you through the steps.  Take care. 

Attachment Styles and Relationship Success

According to attachment theory, there are three primary dimensions that characterize our attachment styles and patterns.

1. Closeness: How comfortable we are being emotionally close and intimate with others. 

2. Dependence/avoidance: How comfortable we are depending on others and having others depend on us. 

3. Anxiety: How often do we worry our partners will abandon and/or reject us. 

Attachment theory studies patterns in our friendships, bonds between parent and child, and romantic relationships. Our attachment style is developed during childhood with our caregivers and influences the way we connect to others in future relationships. 

People who experience higher attachment-related anxiety are more often concerned with if others really love them and often fear rejection. Meanwhile, other people experience higher attachment-related avoidance. These people are less comfortable depending on and being vulnerable to others.

Attachment Styles

Media in pop culture has sold the idea that relationships should be created on sentimentality and romantic gestures of love. These fairy tales have contributed to unreasonable expectations of love and partnership, sometimes even glorifying unrealistic attachments in our romantic relationships. Although entertaining, these depictions of love are unrealistic and often trap us in expectations so high that we push others away without meaning to. Romantic relationships are particularly vulnerable to such strains. However, real-life relationships can be repaired, and secure attachments can be created. 

We often show more behaviors related to a specific attachment style. However, we may exhibit some patterns from all the attachment styles. Our attachment patterns may also differ depending on the type of relationship (friend, parent, child, romantic partner), as well as the other person’s attachment style. Below you will see common characteristics of the different attachment styles. 

Anxious Attachment Style: Low avoidance, high anxiety.

• More often insecure in intimate relationships; frequently concerned with rejection and/or abandonment.

• May ruminate on unresolved past issues from family-of-origin; this may intrude into current perceptions of relationships. 

• Can be overly sensitive to partner’s actions and moods; may take partner’s behavior personally. 

• Can be argumentative, critical, or combative; often unaware of personal responsibility in relationships and blames others.  

Avoidant Attachment Style: High avoidance, low anxiety. 

• Typically uncomfortable with closeness and values independence.

• May not be worried about partner’s availability.

• Communication can be intellectual; may not be comfortable voicing emotions.

• Often avoids conflict.

Secure Attachment Style: Low avoidance, low anxiety. 

• Comfortable with intimacy and are not often worried about being rejected by their partner. 

• Depends on their partner and allows their partner to depend on them; is available and responsive in times of need. 

• Accepts partner’s need for separateness without feelings threatened or rejected.

• Regulates emotions well and communicates emotions honestly.  

Attachment Styles and Adult Relationships 

Attachment patterns are often passed down from one generation to the next as children learn from parents and caregivers how to connect to others. Our attachment history plays an important role in how we relate in adult romantic relationships, as well as how we relate to our own children. Our attachment styles impact our intimate relationships in several significant ways:

• How we perceive and handle closeness and emotional intimacy.

• Our ability to communicate emotions and needs, as well as how we listen to and understand the emotions and needs of our partner.

• How we respond to conflict.

• Our expectations for our partner and the relationship. 

To seek secure connection in relationships, partners in distress can become stuck in failed attempts to regulate attachment-related insecurities by using anxiety and/or avoidant strategies. Unfortunately, these strategies often ironically reinforce attachment-related insecurity. When our own attachment-related insecurities collide with our partner’s insecurities, we get caught in negative cycles of interacting. 

Creating Secure Attachment with Your Partner

Studies have found connections between attachment styles and romantic relationship satisfaction. People with secure attachment in romantic relationships are more likely to view their partner as being responsive to their needs, which influences satisfaction, investment, and commitment in romantic relationships. Therefore, secure attachment can help strengthen commitment between partners and support feelings of satisfaction in intimate relationships.  

Secure attachment is foundational in fulfilling and meaningful relationships. It promotes trust, emotional connection, and safety with our partner. Developing secure attachment with our partner not only benefits the relationship, but also improves our own sense of self and personal well-being. 

Here are a few ways you can start to move towards secure attachment with your partner and create more meaningful connections with others: 

• Self-Awareness: Start by understanding your attachment style patterns in important relationships. Take time to explore your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in your relationships. Reflect on your own attachment patterns and identify any insecurities. Through self-awareness, you can better understand your needs, preferences, and emotions.

• Improve Emotional Regulation: Learn to recognize, acknowledge, and regulate your emotions in constructive ways. Practice self-soothing during conflict and at times your insecurities arise. Emotional regulation allows you to bring safety to your relationships. 

• Open Communication: Express your needs, desires, and concerns with respect and honesty. Listen to your partner to understand their perspective with empathy and curiosity. Allow your partner to express their feelings without judgement or criticism.

• Be Emotionally Available: This means being attuned to the emotions and needs of your partner. Offer support and validation when your partner shares vulnerabilities with you. Being emotionally available builds trust with your partner. 

Therapy Services | Fort Worth, Texas

Amy Coryell, LMFT-Associate, Supervised by Tanya Alexander, LMFT-S

If you are interested in further exploring attachment styles and creating secure attachments in your relationships with a Fort Worth therapist, you can schedule a free consultation with me through the link below or email me at amy@reconnectingrelationships.com

Strengthening Relationships with Apologies

A meaningful apology can significantly impact how connected we feel in our relationships. When we initiate an apology, we invite the other person to meet us with open communication. By taking ownership for our actions and initiating repairs, we send a message that it’s not about winning the argument, rather that it’s about understanding each other and prioritizing the relationship as a whole.

So why does it feel so hard sometimes? Or worse, receiving an apology that somehow escalates things further and leaves us feeling even less understood. It’s easy to convince ourselves that apologizing means admitting defeat. By not apologizing, we protect our own self-concept and feeling of autonomy and control. Apologizing requires vulnerability, which can feel like a big ask during times of conflict. Yet, a good apology can be empowering. When we take accountability for our actions, we also gain a sense of agency by witnessing our ability to handle hardship and conflict in our relationships.

Timing of the Apology

Timing is crucial for a well-delivered apology. If an apology is given too quickly, it can be perceived as superficial and insincere. So, it’s not just about the words we use when we apologize, but how and when we deliver the apology that makes the biggest impact. Studies have shown that apologies were more effective when given later rather than too soon.

It can be tempting to jump straight to saying sorry to end conflict. However, when we apologize too soon, we may actually send the message that the other person’s experience is not important, and we would rather not discuss the concerns in the relationship. We risk coming off insincere or dismissive. The person receiving the apology may not feel understood. Delaying an apology allows time for the other person to voice their feelings and clarify their perspective.

Delivery of the Apology

A good apology includes accountability without blame, deflection, or making excuses. A sincere apology prioritizes the relationship over our personal interests. Even if we don’t regret what we’ve done, or maybe we don’t feel we are in the wrong, we can still apologize for the impact and experience of the other person.

Example: You don’t invite your friend to an event you are hosting. Your friend finds out they are not invited through other people and is upset.

You may have very good reasons not to invite this friend, and yet your friend is still hurt. A sincere apology would be careful not to use language like “I’m sorry if I made you feel upset.” This essentially communicates “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

We can acknowledge that our friend is upset and likely feels left out. Your friend may respond better to something like “I’m sorry I did not discuss this with you sooner and that you found out through other people. I understand that this probably made you feel left out and maybe even embarrassed.” A good apology includes:

• Awareness of what you did

• Accountability for your behavior

• Acknowledgement of how this impacts the other person

After the Apology

After we apologize, we can give the other person an opportunity to clarify or expand on their thoughts and feelings. This is a time for us to continue listening and make sure we understand the other person’s experience. When we are apologizing, it’s important that the person receiving the apology gets the entire floor before we move on to our own perspective (at which point, we will be given the entire floor). Once things have cooled down a bit, you can ask the other person if you could share your own perspective and feelings of the situation.

Although we have the power to make an apology, the person receiving it has the choice to forgive or not to forgive. This risk of rejection may also be a reason why we find it difficult to apologize at times. If the person receiving our apology does not accept it, we may need to give the person some more time. We can also take this time to reflect and see if we may have missed understanding the other person’s experience.

Ultimately, a well delivered apology has the potential to improve communication in our relationships. Sincere apologies give us an opening to better manage conflict and feel more connected with our loved ones. It may take a few tries to get it right, and that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with taking a step back from the conversation and coming back together after having time to reflect. Afterall, one of the most healing aspects of repairs in our relationships comes from seeing each other put in the effort and take the risk of vulnerability. Even if we don’t get things exactly right, each attempt at repairing things gives us practice for next time.

Therapy Sessions| Located in Fort Worth, Texas

If you are interested in exploring and making repairs in your relationships, you can schedule a free consultation with me through the link below or email me at amy@reconnectingrelationships.com

Amy Coryell, MS, LMFT-Associate,

Supervised by Tanya Alexander, LMFT-S

Schedule with our RRT Therapist, Amy Coryell, LMFT-Associate

Research referenced in the article comes from a podcast episode of Hidden Brain called Healing 2.0: The Power of Apologies. The episode discusses how apologies not only influence our personal relationships, but also collective relationships between groups of people.

EMDR 101 – When is EMDR a Useful Tool in Therapy? The Answer Might Surprise You.

What is EMDR?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) was originated and developed by an American psychologist, Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. in 1987. Shapiro was taking a walk in the park and noticed that eye movements seemed to decrease her own negative emotions linked to her personal traumatic memories (Shapiro, 1989). From there, the research began and grew. EMDR has traditionally been used by trained therapists to treat PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorders) and past trauma. Veterans and first-responders such as law enforcement, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, eyewitnesses and others working in emergency situations may find EMDR therapy beneficial to process recent or past traumatic events (https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr-therapy-layperson/).

However, did you know that recent studies indicate EMDR is effective in also treating depression, anxiety, phobias not induced by trauma, addiction, and eating disorders?

UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA

Trauma can surface for you in the following ways:

• a single incident

• multiple events throughout life (complex trauma)

• OFTEN INVOLVES RELATIONSHIP TRAUMA

• physical or sexual abuse

• childhood neglect

• verbal or emotional abuse

WHAT ALSO FALLS UNDER THE CATEGORY OF “A TRAUMATIC EVENT”?

We experience trauma involving our relationships in the form of an extramarital affair, a separation or divorce, the death or illness of a child or family member, addictions including gambling, pornography, drugs and alcohol, sexual dysfunction, family of origin trauma or abuse, and yes…even negative communication, or miscommunication patterns in our relationships.

HOW DOES EMDR WORK?

Sometimes, our brain will lock in a memory with an original image, sound, feeling, smell, or thought. Since that memory is locked in the brain, it continues to be triggered when we are reminded of the distressing cue. Fear, negative emotions, helplessness, discomfort, and loss of control are often connected to the traumatic memory. The tools we use in EMDR can loosen and rewire the brain’s pathways (much like REM sleep patterns) and the memory eventually feels different, lighter, and further away. Our feelings and emotions associated with the memory are forever changed for the better. In other words, our brains do the work.

WHAT CAN I EXPECT DURING AN EMDR THERAPY SESSION?

There are eight phases in EMDR therapy and remember, each case is unique. The phases of EMDR include:

1. The therapist taking a complete history with you and a treatment plan is explored.

2. The therapist prepares you and explains how EMDR works, addressing your concerns and questions.

3. You will identify the event you decide to reprocess with your therapist, including sights, smells, sounds, sensations, and your core beliefs surrounding the memory.

4.   You will actively process the target memory using bilateral stimulation.  This phase may include the therapist guiding you in one or more of the following techniques to stimulate bilateral brain activity during memory processing:

a. You may be asked to cross your arms touching your opposite shoulder, taking turns tapping each shoulder back and forth

b. Following the therapist’s finger back and forth in front of your face with your eyes

c. Holding tappers in your hands that vibrate one at a time for bilateral stimulation

d. If the therapist has a light bar, you may be asked to track the light on the light bar back and forth with your eyes, much like following a tennis match

e. Sounds and tones in each ear using headphones may be added or used independently

f. These techniques can be used in person or during telehealth sessions online

5. Installation – fortifying and reinforcing the positive belief you want to connect with the target memory or event.

6. The therapist will ask you to do a body scan from head to toe while thinking about the target event and your new positive feeling or belief. During this phase, you will process any remaining discomfort you may feel in your body and mind.

7. Closure – your therapist will assist you in returning to your safe, calm place in the present moment, where hopefully you feel more neutral about the target event, and you sense and are aware that the new positive belief feels completely true to you.

8. Reevaluation is the last phase. You and your therapist recount recently reprocessed memories at the beginning of each session, validating that distress is still low and the positive belief is still true for you (https://www.emdria.org/blog/the-eight-phases-of-emdr-therapy/).

Kandace Williamson, LMFT-Associate, Supervised by Ryan Lloyd, PhD, LMFT-S

I hope you found this blog helpful in your journey towards healing. If you are experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, or PTSD regarding past memories or specific events, seeking EMDR therapy in Fort Worth may be beneficial for you. And, if you are seeking couples counseling, individual therapy, teen therapy, or family therapy, Reconnecting Relationships Therapy can help! Please feel free to visit our website and research my profile and our other therapist’s profiles to learn more and find the right fit for you and your needs. Making an appointment online is simple and our website is easy to navigate and will guide you through the steps. Take care.

Finding the Right Therapist in Fort Worth

Finding the Right Therapist in Fort Worth

For someone first embarking on their mental health journey, the task of finding the right therapist may seem daunting. There are so many words, licenses, and ideologies to navigate which may be unfamiliar to someone who hasn’t explored them before. One may not understand the importance of finding the right therapist, assuming they all do the same work. Alternatively, they may not trust any therapists and write off the experience entirely as not being for them.

Therapy is a great tool that one can use to work through your emotions, relationships with others, and behaviors. Speaking as a student interested in becoming a therapist, I recommend therapy to pretty much everyone I know. However, it cannot be as effective for the client if their therapist isn’t a good match. If you are beginning your search for a therapist or counselor in Fort Worth, Texas, these are some great characteristics to keep in mind during your search.

Types of Therapy in Fort Worth Texas

There are many types of therapy and different specialties that therapists choose to pursue.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions when looking for potential therapists. Learn about their experience working with clients who have had the same challenges as you. If you are seeking counseling for a specific experience, you may want to look into a specialist with knowledge focused on that specific topic. Therapists are trained in different ways in order to treat different populations. If you are looking for couples or family counseling, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) is trained to work with those clients. Different counselors can use different techniques in sessions as well. Some focus on talk therapy, mindfulness practices, or emotional awareness. Different techniques can be helpful to different clients depending on the individual and their need. 

Therapy and Personal Values

Your personal values are important in all of your relationships, and in a therapist, it can be just as important. While your therapist doesn’t have to have an exact match to your personal values, it can help the two of you connect and create a better relationship. Some people may choose to seek a therapist which follows the same religion or has similar life experiences so that they can feel well understood. Feeling safe and comfortable with your therapist can facilitate more impactful sessions. Keep your most important personal values in mind when selecting a therapist. But, a good therapist will do their best to put any differences aside for the sake of the client-therapist relationship.

Finding a Therapist in Fort Worth | Cost of Therapy

A common limiting factor to people seeking therapy is the cost of treatment. Finding a therapist that is able to work within your budget is extremely important. If you have insurance, search for a therapist within your network so that you can find the best match for you. Therapy ranges in cost depending on where and who you are receiving it from. Private practices often charge a higher rate than a community clinic may. Working with insurance, programs, and benefits from school or work can help to lower the cost and make therapy more accessible.

How do I find a therapist in Fort Worth?

Once you know what you’re looking for, how do you find a potential therapist? If you already know someone attending therapy who has had a good experience, word of mouth can be a great way to begin the journey. Who you decide to book with could also depend on your school or work and what benefits they provide. If you’re looking online, some great sites are GoodTherapy.org and PsychologyToday.com.

Another great place to find a therapist is at Reconnecting Relationships Therapy located in Fort Worth, Texas. We have therapists available for booking, all with different fields of interest and experience. To learn more about them and find the perfect match head to our Find Your Therapist page.

Blog Contributor, Samara Schultz, is a recent psychology major graduate. She received her Bachelor of Science from the University of North Texas in May 2024. She is currently the social media assistant for RRT as she continues to explore a career in mental health, community service, and political science.

Reconnecting: The Mother and Daughter Bond

“When women are heard, mothers and daughters are able to listen to each other”

— Rosjke Hasseldine

Family Therapy in Fort Worth | The Mother and Daughter Bond

During a conference I attended, it came to my attention that there is something unique about the mother-daughter relationship. In my years of practicing as a therapist in Fort Worth, I have had opportunities to see both mother and daughter in my office, and I noticed that they often struggled to connect. I had never realized that there was something deeper and special about how mothers and daughters relate to each other.

Changes in Womanhood

Expectations and roles used to be unchanging for women until in the last few years. In past generations we have seen the transition from women being stay at home mothers to entering the workfield. Women now have more educational and professional opportunities which has allowed them to take different paths than in previous generations. Women now consider not marrying or not having children which is completely opposite and not viewed as traditional. Nonetheless, these changes are difficult to accept or understand for many, especially women who did not experience these new options. Take a moment to reflect on a moment in which you shared a different belief or perspective to your mother or even grandmother. Or also think about a time where you craved emotional connection from your mother during a difficult time. How did they respond? Were they able to support you or try to understand you? Or has there been conflict due to your differing perspectives or your need for validation and empathy?

Mothers and Daughters | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

You might be wondering what a session with a mother and daughter would look like or what topics would be addressed. According to the therapist Rosjke Hasseldine, expert on the mother daughter relationship and author of “The Mother-Daughter Puzzle”, she believes that we should look into our past generations and patterns of how women are treated in our families. Our families influence our beliefs and how we perceive the world. Discovering destructive generational patterns is also an important piece to understanding how mother’s and daughters relate to each other.

Exploring how men in our families have treated our mothers or grandmothers is not to shame or blame. Nevertheless, we want to understand how those behaviors have impacted what it means to be a woman. This helps us understand how women in our families perceive having their needs met or expressing their emotions. From doing this inner work, we can discover if there has been a history of neglected needs or people pleasing. Some female clients have discovered that their mother’s depend emotionally on them, which continues the pattern of daughters having to fill the emotional void for their mothers and having to be selfless. Jealousy in mother and daughter relationships can also be a factor to explore. A good example of how jealousy can play a role in these relationships can be if a mother is desiring the same opportunities that her daughter now has. A mother might struggle in celebrating the accomplishments of her daughter that she would have wanted for herself. On other occasions it might be difficult to accept that daughters have taken a different path than what is expected of women in their families based not only on family expectations but also culturally. These situations can cause mothers and daughters to drift apart and remain stuck in conflict. Our Fort Worth therapists can help you work through these situations.

Therapy in Fort Worth for our future mothers and daughters

Moving forward, we want to forge a path for our future daughters and mothers in which they can listen to each other and connect. It is our responsibility to look into our history and how we can work on changing destructive generational patterns. We want for mothers and daughters to be able to understand and uplift each other. That mothers and daughters support each other in accomplishing their desires and to take care of their needs. If you are a mother to a daughter what would you have wanted from your mother that you now want to be for your daughter? If you are a daughter, what unhealthy themes would you like to change? If you are interested in learning more about healing the mother and daughter relationship feel free to schedule a free 15 minute consultation or to set up a session. You can also reach me at my email lilian@reconnectingrelationships.com

Let’s make a change! - Lilian

The Misconception: LMFTs only work with Couples and Families

LMFTs | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

A common myth that we often see in our Fort Worth therapy practice is that we, LMFTs, (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists), only work with couples or families.  I can understand the confusion, since it’s stated right there in our title!  However, we DO see individuals.  And personally, I love it! 

Some clients are not always seeking relationship help but instead want to solely focus on a concern related to depression, anxiety, addiction, self-esteem, etc.  These are all areas that LMFTs can do good work in.  MFTs are all different.  They can specialize in different areas, work with a diverse population, and use a variety of approaches to conduct therapy. 

At the same time, while these topics may seem individual, as LMFTs we are trained to make connections in a social or relational context.  We make note that the issues an individual struggles with can affect how they relate with others and how others relate to them.  This can be useful in therapy to help nurture personal growth and expand on the client’s skillset. 

Therapists in Fort Worth, TX - The MFT Perspective

Our most unique attribute as a marriage and family therapist is the way we look at problems.  We are trained to look at situations with a systemic perspective.  We consider the environment the individual has experienced.  And we keep in mind, how our individual client also affects others. 

And boy, do we like exploring circular patterns!  We challenge the typical linear way of examining an issue so there is a more well-rounded overview of how the problem presents itself.  Most issues are cyclical so identifying old patterns is paramount in forming new, healthy, and effective patterns.

Couples Therapy as an Individual

There have been plenty of times when I have spoken to a potential client and they share with me that they don’t believe their partner is willing to attend couples therapy.  I can hear their frustration and disappointment in their voice.  They worry that if their partner is unable or unwilling to attend, then what other option is there?  How else can their relationship improve?  They feel stuck believing change can only occur if they can get their partner to attend couple’s therapy. 

However, change can still occur.  An individual can enter into therapy to address the issues they are experiencing in their relationship.  They can receive support while also gaining tools to improve how they communicate and respond to issues with their partner. 

Want to Learn More about family therapy in Fort worth?

If you are seeking couples or family therapy in Fort Worth, then a marriage and family therapist makes sense.  But if you’re looking for individual therapy, well we can do that too! Please feel free to browse through our therapist profiles to learn more about each one of our unique Fort Worth therapists!