friendships

Platonic Intimacy: Why Close Friendships Matter

As we prepare to welcome a new year, have you considered thinking about how many new friendships you have made this past year? Having deep connections is not only achieved by having a romantic partner but by also being able to have a deep bond with friends that does not involve sexual or romantic feelings. 

Understanding Platonic Intimacy 

I recently heard about platonic intimacy and its necessity of having more relationships in which we can have emotional intimacy. You might ask yourself what consists of platonic intimacy? Platonic intimacy is having an emotional bond with someone that does not involve romantic or sexual feelings. It involves having mutual respect and trust, stability and longevity, flexibility and freedom, as well as personal growth and inclusivity. Let’s further explore the components of developing platonic intimacy. 

❖ Emotional connection in a platonic relationship means having emotional depth without romantic or sexual desires. Connections are developed at an emotional and intellectual level. 

❖ Stability is more likely to occur in a platonic bond due to the less likelihood of conflict that often occurs in romantic relationships. Since the relationship is non sexual and no romantic feelings are involved, it is easier for the friendship to withstand change and provide companionship for many years. 

❖ Flexibility and freedom in a platonic bond allows friends to pursue their own interests and goals and in a platonic friendship there is no high risk of losing the connection. Romantic relationships are more likely to develop conflict and tension when both partners are not aligned in their interests or life goals. 

❖ Personal growth in platonic relationships can be offered by unconditionally supporting each other’s endeavors and providing a safe space to explore new ideas. It’s important to have friends who can provide us a safe space to be ourselves and to pursue our goals. Our mental health is also positively impacted when we have friends who encourage us to continue pursuing our dreams and goals. 

❖ Inclusivity gives us the opportunity to develop more connections and broaden our social circle. Romantic relationships are more exclusive while platonic friendships allow us to have multiple close friends. 

Statistics on friendships 

Relying on our romantic partners to fulfill all our needs is not realistic and can lead to greater issues. Therefore, it is very important for us to find our people with whom we can talk and connect with. Research shows that in the elderly community about 30% suffer from anxiety and depression due to a lack of social support. About 22% of U.S. adults experience loneliness as well as 30% of the young adult population. Of the millennial population 25% do not have acquaintances, 22% have no friends, 27% have no close friends and 30% have no best friends. 

Creating and maintaining friendships 

So how can I make friends? Where do I start? Many people struggle with not knowing where or how to start meeting new people. Shyness can become a factor for many as well as fear of rejection in meeting new people. Joining clubs or participating in activities you enjoy are an excellent way to put yourself out there and make friendships. Instead of focusing on meeting specific individuals try being a part of a community that can lend you the opportunity to meet people with common interests as you. 

As you make new bonds it is important to keep in mind that strong relationships need trust and consistency. It is important to keep promises and provide support when our friends need it. Also, investing in the relationships by making time to do activities you both enjoy and checking in with each other. Some friends enjoy having rituals such as meeting once a month for dinner or going to yoga classes once a week together. Deep connections are also strengthened by being vulnerable and opening up to others. Remember that you can also initiate contact and you do not have to wait for others to check in with you. Follow up with those new people you meet and also start asking meaningful questions to start learning more about others. Embrace new friendships with curiosity. 

Here are a few ideas where you can start your journey towards finding new friends!

Lilian Ochoa, LMFT-Associate, Supervised by Joyce Miles Jacquote, LMFT-S

Improve Mental Health Through Friendship: Schedule with a Therapist in Fort Worth

If you would like to continue exploring how to make new friends, let's schedule a session. Together we can explore how you can make new relationships in this upcoming new year! 

The Meaning of Valentine's Day

Couples Therapy in Fort Worth

Valentine’s Day has evolved over the years for me.  What it meant in the beginning has changed over the course of being married to my husband twenty-two plus years and raising two daughters together.  In the early years, there were nice, romantic candlelit dinners, sometimes just the two of us and sometimes double dates with friends.  These were the years when we could be carefree and spontaneous. 

Then kids happened! 

One particular Valentine’s Day comes to mind as I reflect over the number of dates I’ve shared with my husband. My mother-in-law had to cancel last minute due to coming down with a cold and so she was unable to watch our two sweet little angels while we went out for dinner.  I was so sad to have to cancel our plans.  I was a stay-at-home mom at the time so I craved social outings and adult conversations.  My husband sensed this was important to me and encouraged us to keep our plans.  Let’s just bring the kids with us!  Great idea!  They were about 2 and 5.  Have you tried going out to a nice restaurant with young kids?  Well, we had not. 

So, the evening went pretty much how you could presume with two young kids.  We were seated at a lovely, white-linen adorned table in the middle of the restaurant.  Just the perfect spot for everyone to take in our children’s glorious tantrums.  Our girls lasted maybe 10 minutes before they made the place their own playground.  Our attempts to wrangle them back into their seats only escalated the situation from total excitement to total meltdown.   

Needless to say, we rushed through our meals, feeling stressed and embarrassed, and exited as quickly as we could.  The night felt like a complete failure. 

Of course it wasn’t a failure but simply a learning experience. I learned something about that night.  I realized I had the expectation that Valentine’s Day was to be celebrated the same way it had always been celebrated. And when it didn’t work out, I was met with disappointment.  I had to adjust to my life as it was changing and accept that for the time being the way I knew to spend this day was going to be different.  And so we learned to be more creative in celebrating any special holiday. 

What this holiday means to me now extends from the typical spotlight on my partner. Our Valentine’s Day celebrations have become more family oriented over the years and most often include our daughters.  And thank goodness their table manners have improved! Valentine’s Day does not have to be about fancy dinners and spending it solely with your partner.  It can include other activities with people you find to be valuable in your life - your best friend, a sibling, parent, or your kids . The real meaning of Valentines should be about acknowledging and appreciating all the special people in your life.  

Happy Valentine’s to y’all! 

Get Valentine’s Day back on track with Couples Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

Different Ways to Experience Love on Valentine's Day

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Some of you may be thrilled when Valentine’s Day comes around and some of you dread it! This year we want to expand on the idea that love on Valentines day is more than just for lovers. With this post you'll have ideas on how to experience meaningful and authentic love with those important in your life! 

  1. Long-time lovers! When you've been with someone for a long period of time, it's natural to fall into the same routine on Valentine's Day. Dinner. Card. Flowers. That's nice and all, but try challenging yourself to be creative and think outside of the box. Date your partner like you did in the early years when you were trying to experience new things together! Show them you can be just as romantic now as you were back then! Plan a picnic, share a bubble bath, or make a homemade gift. The gesture of receiving a homemade gift can be a memory making experience that both partners can benefit from.

  2. Siblings. Not the people we usually think of when trying to express love during Valentine’s Day. Which is why we chose to include it on this list. It’s so easy to take your siblings for granted, as most siblings can be so different. Instead of focusing on the differences, build off from your similarities or moments of laughter you both can share. Create new traditions or inside jokes with each other that express love.

  3. Coworkers. Let’s face it, we tend to spend a lot of our time at work with co-workers. This love can be centered on your appreciation or gratitude for their contribution to your work environment. You can express your gratitude for them by baking some homemade treats or small note of gratitude for their help in making your days at work easier.

  4. Parent/child. One of the most influential relationships we can have is with our parents. Parents can use their influence by teaching their children ways to express love. If you're a parent, then you know that the best way to teach will be through your example. From Valentine’s candy, treats ,flowers, a special dinner together, or words of appreciation, experience different ways to express love! If you're the child in this meaningful relationship, set aside time to connect and strengthen your connection with your parents. Express aspects you appreciate about them or remind them about the lessons you've gained from receiving their love.

  5. The In-laws! If it wasn't for you're in-laws, your significant other wouldn't be here. In-laws are an extension of your spouse and have played a huge role in helping your partner develop into the person you have come to love. In-laws can be a wonderful resource to your marriage. Nurture this relationship much so like the one with your own parents. Spend time together. Stay connected. Express your love to them too. If you have a hard time connecting with your in-laws, then take a moment to brag about your spouse to them- what parent doesn’t love hearing the positive qualities in their son or daughter!

  6. Friends! If you don’t have a romantic partner to spend the day with, grab a friend (or a few!) This one has become a popular one around Valentines day. “Galentines” has become one of my favorite traditions around this holiday. Our favorite idea with friends would be to treat yourself to a night out, you may find that time together with friends will be more rewarding than spending it alone or putting pressure on yourself for not "having a relationship."

This post was inspired by the direct translation of ~ “Dia Del Amor y La Amistad” which means Day of Love and Friendship. How beautiful it would be if we could all use this day to celebrate the love we have in our lives and cherish our relationship. We hope that this new meaning to Valentine’s Day, if you don’t already have it, will encourage you to express the love and gratitude you have for those special in your life.