FINDING SERENITY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

How can we improve our mental health and reduce anxiety during the Holidays?

Before we dive into the topic, get comfortable and take a deep breath for 4 counts, hold it for 4 counts, and release the breath and any negative energy you feel for a count of 6.  Repeat this simple box breathing exercise slowly 4 to 6 times in a row to manage stress and anxiety, lower your heartrate, and improve your focus, concentration and state of mind.  You can practice box breathing anytime you have a quiet space and five minutes during the holidays to set your positive intentions and relax.

Why Does My Anxiety Increase During the Holidays?

Top 10 Stressors Include:

1.  Financial pressure and concerns – buying gifts, outfits, food, decorations, travel, holiday shows and buying tickets, and the cost of throwing parties and hosting holiday events

2.  Anxiety over decision-making – for example, choosing gifts, who to invite to Thanksgiving or holiday gatherings, and who not to invite in certain cases

3. Feeling rushed and overscheduled

4. Family dynamics extending to our family of origin and distant relatives we see less often

5. Overwhelming commercialism and holiday hype everywhere we turn

6. Isolation and lack of emotional support can lead to feeling depressed and emotionally dysregulation

7. Food – buying it, cooking it, and overeating as a coping mechanism

8. Social Media related anxiety – comparing to others on SM and what they are buying and doing during the Holidays can trigger thoughts like “their family looks perfect”, “I am not good enough”, “I wish I could afford to buy a car for my wife like they can”, for example

9. Other shoppers, huge crowds, and traffic on busy shopping days like Black Friday 

10. Recent situational holiday stressors include lingering health and safety issues initiated by COVID or other illnesses, large family gatherings, and the possibility of political discussions or disagreements with friends and family members this year in 2024

COPING STRATEGIES TO REDUCE STRESS, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

• Simple Earth Grounding – INSTRUCTIONS 

Lie flat on the floor and consider the ground beneath you. This can be done inside or outside in the shade or sun. Conceptualize how the ground is holding you up and think, “the Earth is always there for me”.  The heaviness you feel is gravity, pulling you and holding you to the Earth.  Focus and sense the back of your lungs and let yourself draw breaths from the back of your lungs closest to the ground.  Imagine the Earth is meeting you right where you are and allow the Earth to breath with you.  Imagine the Earth is a giant lung breathing into your lungs and rejuvenating you.  The Earth is kind, gentle, and taking her time to breath with you and into you.  Note how you slow down, how your breath expands, and how your belly softens.  Note how your mind slows down and how grounded and connected to the Earth you are feeling.  Notice your sense of well-being has returned (Mischke-Reeds, 2018). 

*This exercise can be located in the Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox, written by Manuela Mischke-Reeds, MA, LMFT and purchased online through Amazon or other retailers. (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=somatic+psychotherapy+toolbox&hvadid=598656745912&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9027255&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=4003203966055240108&hvtargid=kwd-483023752693&hydadcr=15529_13558536&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_18d117kex8_e). 

• Taking care of yourself is essential during the Holiday Season.  Here are a few self-care techniques:

1.  Avoid overscheduling yourself – saying “no” to certain events or activities during the Holiday is essential self-care.  Do not feel guilty for creating space for a break when you need it.

2. Add self-care to your calendar and follow-through including physical exercise, meditation breaks, and taking a walk with a friend.

3. Use affirmative thoughts when feeling anxious or stressed such as “Let it go.”  “I am whole, relaxed, and free of worry.”  

If you are spiritually inclined, an affirmative thought might be, “I release this anxiety and stress to God or to my Higher Power.”

1. If a wave of depression or anxiety is coming your way, journaling your feelings or writing out a gratitude list daily can help process your emotions and remind you of what you are thankful for during the Holiday Season.

2. Avoid isolating and talk to a professional counselor or therapist including but not limited to an LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) or an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor).  

WE ARE HERE TO HELP AT RECONNECTING RELATIONSHIPS THERAPY

Kandace Williamson, LMFT Associate – Supervised by Ryan Lloyd, Ph.D.

I hope you found this blog helpful in your journey towards healing.  If you are experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, or fear surrounding the holidays, therapy in Fort Worth may be beneficial for you.  And, if you are seeking couples counseling, individual therapy, teen therapy, or family therapy, Reconnecting Relationships Therapy can help!  Please feel free to visit our website and research my profile and our other therapist’s profiles to learn more and find the right fit for you and your needs.  Making an appointment online is simple and our website is easy to navigate and will guide you through the steps.  Take care. 

Reconnecting: The Mother and Daughter Bond

“When women are heard, mothers and daughters are able to listen to each other”

— Rosjke Hasseldine

Family Therapy in Fort Worth | The Mother and Daughter Bond

During a conference I attended, it came to my attention that there is something unique about the mother-daughter relationship. In my years of practicing as a therapist in Fort Worth, I have had opportunities to see both mother and daughter in my office, and I noticed that they often struggled to connect. I had never realized that there was something deeper and special about how mothers and daughters relate to each other.

Changes in Womanhood

Expectations and roles used to be unchanging for women until in the last few years. In past generations we have seen the transition from women being stay at home mothers to entering the workfield. Women now have more educational and professional opportunities which has allowed them to take different paths than in previous generations. Women now consider not marrying or not having children which is completely opposite and not viewed as traditional. Nonetheless, these changes are difficult to accept or understand for many, especially women who did not experience these new options. Take a moment to reflect on a moment in which you shared a different belief or perspective to your mother or even grandmother. Or also think about a time where you craved emotional connection from your mother during a difficult time. How did they respond? Were they able to support you or try to understand you? Or has there been conflict due to your differing perspectives or your need for validation and empathy?

Mothers and Daughters | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

You might be wondering what a session with a mother and daughter would look like or what topics would be addressed. According to the therapist Rosjke Hasseldine, expert on the mother daughter relationship and author of “The Mother-Daughter Puzzle”, she believes that we should look into our past generations and patterns of how women are treated in our families. Our families influence our beliefs and how we perceive the world. Discovering destructive generational patterns is also an important piece to understanding how mother’s and daughters relate to each other.

Exploring how men in our families have treated our mothers or grandmothers is not to shame or blame. Nevertheless, we want to understand how those behaviors have impacted what it means to be a woman. This helps us understand how women in our families perceive having their needs met or expressing their emotions. From doing this inner work, we can discover if there has been a history of neglected needs or people pleasing. Some female clients have discovered that their mother’s depend emotionally on them, which continues the pattern of daughters having to fill the emotional void for their mothers and having to be selfless. Jealousy in mother and daughter relationships can also be a factor to explore. A good example of how jealousy can play a role in these relationships can be if a mother is desiring the same opportunities that her daughter now has. A mother might struggle in celebrating the accomplishments of her daughter that she would have wanted for herself. On other occasions it might be difficult to accept that daughters have taken a different path than what is expected of women in their families based not only on family expectations but also culturally. These situations can cause mothers and daughters to drift apart and remain stuck in conflict. Our Fort Worth therapists can help you work through these situations.

Therapy in Fort Worth for our future mothers and daughters

Moving forward, we want to forge a path for our future daughters and mothers in which they can listen to each other and connect. It is our responsibility to look into our history and how we can work on changing destructive generational patterns. We want for mothers and daughters to be able to understand and uplift each other. That mothers and daughters support each other in accomplishing their desires and to take care of their needs. If you are a mother to a daughter what would you have wanted from your mother that you now want to be for your daughter? If you are a daughter, what unhealthy themes would you like to change? If you are interested in learning more about healing the mother and daughter relationship feel free to schedule a free 15 minute consultation or to set up a session. You can also reach me at my email lilian@reconnectingrelationships.com

Let’s make a change! - Lilian

The Misconception: LMFTs only work with Couples and Families

LMFTs | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

A common myth that we often see in our Fort Worth therapy practice is that we, LMFTs, (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists), only work with couples or families.  I can understand the confusion, since it’s stated right there in our title!  However, we DO see individuals.  And personally, I love it! 

Some clients are not always seeking relationship help but instead want to solely focus on a concern related to depression, anxiety, addiction, self-esteem, etc.  These are all areas that LMFTs can do good work in.  MFTs are all different.  They can specialize in different areas, work with a diverse population, and use a variety of approaches to conduct therapy. 

At the same time, while these topics may seem individual, as LMFTs we are trained to make connections in a social or relational context.  We make note that the issues an individual struggles with can affect how they relate with others and how others relate to them.  This can be useful in therapy to help nurture personal growth and expand on the client’s skillset. 

Therapists in Fort Worth, TX - The MFT Perspective

Our most unique attribute as a marriage and family therapist is the way we look at problems.  We are trained to look at situations with a systemic perspective.  We consider the environment the individual has experienced.  And we keep in mind, how our individual client also affects others. 

And boy, do we like exploring circular patterns!  We challenge the typical linear way of examining an issue so there is a more well-rounded overview of how the problem presents itself.  Most issues are cyclical so identifying old patterns is paramount in forming new, healthy, and effective patterns.

Couples Therapy as an Individual

There have been plenty of times when I have spoken to a potential client and they share with me that they don’t believe their partner is willing to attend couples therapy.  I can hear their frustration and disappointment in their voice.  They worry that if their partner is unable or unwilling to attend, then what other option is there?  How else can their relationship improve?  They feel stuck believing change can only occur if they can get their partner to attend couple’s therapy. 

However, change can still occur.  An individual can enter into therapy to address the issues they are experiencing in their relationship.  They can receive support while also gaining tools to improve how they communicate and respond to issues with their partner. 

Want to Learn More about family therapy in Fort worth?

If you are seeking couples or family therapy in Fort Worth, then a marriage and family therapist makes sense.  But if you’re looking for individual therapy, well we can do that too! Please feel free to browse through our therapist profiles to learn more about each one of our unique Fort Worth therapists!

Understanding Grief with Continuing Bonds

Processing Grief Through Therapy | Grief Therapy in Fort Worth, Texas

The death of a loved one is something we all eventually endure, and it will likely be one of the most difficult experiences of life. If you’ve lost a meaningful person in your lifetime, you’ve probably noticed the language used to talk about grief and mourning is focused on “saying goodbye,” or “moving on.” Conversations surrounding grief, bereavement, and mourning often speak to the Stages of Grief, the types of grief, and endless grief recovery resources. Although this information may be helpful to some, it doesn’t always recognize grief and mourning as an ongoing process in our lives. To clarify, I don’t say this to mean the pain we feel does not change over time. In fact, in my own experience, the pain felt after loss ebbs and flows with me through my many transitions. 

Experiencing Grief Through Continuing Bonds

Continuing bonds (CB) is a grief concept that embraces a continued relationship with the deceased in an adapted way. CB acknowledges the ongoing process of grief throughout life and establishes clarity in the many ways we experience grief. 

[Note: Continuing a relationship with deceased loved ones may not feel right for everyone, and that is also perfectly fine! There are also some cases where continuing bonds with the deceased does not move towards healing. Troublesome relationships before death may continue to be difficult following death.]

CB proposes our relationships with our deceased loved ones are not fixed, instead, they frequently develop and age with us through our many seasons of life. We will likely relate to our deceased loved ones differently in our 30s, 40s, and 50s. 

If you have experienced the death of a loved one, you have probably already engaged in at least some ways of continuing bonds! Many grieving people will perform private rituals, have conversations with the deceased, or hold onto personal items of their loved ones. These are just some of the ways we continue bonds with our loved ones. 

Unfortunately, many of these behaviors have been deemed pathological, suggesting something must be wrong with the grieving person. Because of this, grieving people may doubt their behaviors, or the grieving behaviors of others, and question if they are “normal.” Many grieving people may even further disconnect from support due to fear of judgment, or the thought that they are “failing” at grieving. If this feels familiar, you may be happy to hear these behaviors are not only common, but they also seem to promote a person’s ability to cope with loss and adjust to significant changes in life. 

Continuing Bonds for the Future

The idea of CB may not be universally valued among our society’s attitudes towards grief. It may not even be accepted in our own beliefs about death and grief. Yet, there is hope! Sharing the ideas of CB with others gives us opportunity to alter our interactions and understandings towards not only grief, but perhaps death and dying as well. 

Through my own encounter with grief, continuing bonds with deceased loved ones has allowed me to process my emotions surrounding death and better support others in my life who are grieving. The ideas of CB have made it possible for me to share the spirit of my deceased loved ones with the meaningful people of my life today. 

If you are someone who wants to remain bonded to your loved ones after death but maybe learned you shouldn’t, or that wanting to do so means you have failed at recovering from grief, my hope is that the knowledge of CB empowers you to continue creating rich connections with deceased loved ones that grow with you through time. 

For more information about Continuing Bonds and other grief-related topics, check out the following links:

https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-concept-care-continuing-bonds/

https://whatsyourgrief.com/

Mediation for Single Parents

Family Therapy in Fort Worth | Mediation for Single Parents

There are 13.6 million single parents raising 21 million children in the U.S. The 2010 census reported that 40.7% of new births in the U.S. were to unmarried women. Mediation can be a valuable tool for unmarried parents to establish effective co-parentings agreements. Issues that remain unsettled add to the disharmony, strife, and resentment of these parents and set a tone that leads the children toward emotional damage. What are some of the co-parenting pitfalls that can overcome in mediation?

1. When is each parent going to have possession of the child?

2. Who is responsible for transporting the child between parents’ homes?

3. What outside care-takers are acceptable to both parents? Who’s to pay?

4. Who is to provide health, dental, and vision insurance for the child?

5. How about the co-pays, deductibles and non-covered items?

6. Will there be a parent designated as primary custodian (parent A)?

7. How about child support? Who pays and how much?

8. Should alcohol and recreational drugs be prohibited during possession of the child?

9. What limitations can be agreed to regarding exposing the child to new romantic interests?

10. Who is to decide and who is to pay for summer camps and other extracurricular activities?

All of these obstacles and more can be addressed and resolved in a written settlement agreement negotiated with the help of an experienced family mediator.

Jerrell “Jerry” Cosby is one of the most experienced mediators in in the field. He is Owner and Divorce Mediator at Texas Mediation Group in Fort Worth, Texas. Jerry began mediating family related cases in 1999. He has mediated hundreds of divorce cases. In 2020 he was named “Tops in Tarrant” by the readers of Society Life Magazine.

9500 Ray White Rd.
Fort Worth, Texas 76244
817-300-6666
Jerry@TexasMediationGroup.com
www.texasmediationgroup.com

Different Ways to Experience Love on Valentine's Day

Some of you may be thrilled when Valentine’s Day comes around and some of you dread it! This year we want to expand on the idea that love on Valentines day is more than just for lovers. With this post you'll have ideas on how to experience meaningful and authentic love with those important in your life! 

1. Long-time lovers! When you've been with someone for a long period of time, it's natural to fall into the same routine on Valentine's Day. Dinner. Card. Flowers. That's nice and all, but try challenging yourself to be creative and think outside of the box. Date your partner like you did in the early years when you were trying to experience new things together! Show them you can be just as romantic now as you were back then! Plan a picnic, share a bubble bath, or make a homemade gift. The gesture of receiving a homemade gift can be a memory making experience that both partners can benefit from.

2. Siblings. Not the people we usually think of when trying to express love during Valentine’s Day. Which is why we chose to include it on this list. It’s so easy to take your siblings for granted, as most siblings can be so different. Instead of focusing on the differences, build off from your similarities or moments of laughter you both can share. Create new traditions or inside jokes with each other that express love.

3. Coworkers. Let’s face it, we tend to spend a lot of our time at work with co-workers. This love can be centered on your appreciation or gratitude for their contribution to your work environment. You can express your gratitude for them by baking some homemade treats or small note of gratitude for their help in making your days at work easier.

4. Parent/child. One of the most influential relationships we can have is with our parents. Parents can use their influence by teaching their children ways to express love. If you're a parent, then you know that the best way to teach will be through your example. From Valentine’s candy, treats ,flowers, a special dinner together, or words of appreciation, experience different ways to express love! If you're the child in this meaningful relationship, set aside time to connect and strengthen your connection with your parents. Express aspects you appreciate about them or remind them about the lessons you've gained from receiving their love.

5. The In-laws! If it wasn't for you're in-laws, your significant other wouldn't be here. In-laws are an extension of your spouse and have played a huge role in helping your partner develop into the person you have come to love. In-laws can be a wonderful resource to your marriage. Nurture this relationship much so like the one with your own parents. Spend time together. Stay connected. Express your love to them too. If you have a hard time connecting with your in-laws, then take a moment to brag about your spouse to them- what parent doesn’t love hearing the positive qualities in their son or daughter!

6. Friends! If you don’t have a romantic partner to spend the day with, grab a friend (or a few!) This one has become a popular one around Valentines day. “Galentines” has become one of my favorite traditions around this holiday. Our favorite idea with friends would be to treat yourself to a night out, you may find that time together with friends will be more rewarding than spending it alone or putting pressure on yourself for not "having a relationship."

This post was inspired by the direct translation of ~ “Dia Del Amor y La Amistad” which means Day of Love and Friendship. How beautiful it would be if we could all use this day to celebrate the love we have in our lives and cherish our relationship. We hope that this new meaning to Valentine’s Day, if you don’t already have it, will encourage you to express the love and gratitude you have for those special in your life. 

Let's End Child Abuse Together!

At the beginning of the month, we shared the importance of spreading awareness and becoming educated in ways to prevent and stop child abuse and neglect. You may have even seen blue pinwheels around town reminding us of our responsibility to prevent child abuse. Although the month of April is coming to a close, we will not end our efforts in preventing child abuse and neglect in our communities.

If you are in the DFW, I want to remind you of the alarming statistics of how this issue is one you should become involved in. The Texas Department of Family and Protective services found that Tarrant county has higher rates of confirmed child abuse than both Dallas county and the national average. It was also found that the Dallas-Fort Worth area made up about 26% of confirmed child abuse and neglect cases in comparison to other major cities in our state.

As marriage and family therapists we are trained to recognize the signs of child maltreatment and the various ways on how to report them. Yet, the fact is that we can’t do it alone! There will be families that you come into contact, which we will not get to work with. Communities that you are a part of that we may not know about. 

To report abuse you may do so by phone or online. You also have the right for your identity to stay confidential when reporting. 

Report by Phone:

1-800-4-A-Child (National Child Abuse Hotline)

1-800-252-5400 (Texas Abuse Hotline)

Report Online:   https://www.txabusehotline.org/ (Texas)

Information on recognizing signs of Child abuse

https://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Protection/Child_Safety/recognize_abuse.asp

http://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-content/tip-sheet-7

For more resources and information on this topic be sure to check out this post as well: CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE DISCLOSURE Let’s work together to end child abuse!