FINDING SERENITY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

How can we improve our mental health and reduce anxiety during the Holidays?

Before we dive into the topic, get comfortable and take a deep breath for 4 counts, hold it for 4 counts, and release the breath and any negative energy you feel for a count of 6.  Repeat this simple box breathing exercise slowly 4 to 6 times in a row to manage stress and anxiety, lower your heartrate, and improve your focus, concentration and state of mind.  You can practice box breathing anytime you have a quiet space and five minutes during the holidays to set your positive intentions and relax.

Why Does My Anxiety Increase During the Holidays?

Top 10 Stressors Include:

1.  Financial pressure and concerns – buying gifts, outfits, food, decorations, travel, holiday shows and buying tickets, and the cost of throwing parties and hosting holiday events

2.  Anxiety over decision-making – for example, choosing gifts, who to invite to Thanksgiving or holiday gatherings, and who not to invite in certain cases

3. Feeling rushed and overscheduled

4. Family dynamics extending to our family of origin and distant relatives we see less often

5. Overwhelming commercialism and holiday hype everywhere we turn

6. Isolation and lack of emotional support can lead to feeling depressed and emotionally dysregulation

7. Food – buying it, cooking it, and overeating as a coping mechanism

8. Social Media related anxiety – comparing to others on SM and what they are buying and doing during the Holidays can trigger thoughts like “their family looks perfect”, “I am not good enough”, “I wish I could afford to buy a car for my wife like they can”, for example

9. Other shoppers, huge crowds, and traffic on busy shopping days like Black Friday 

10. Recent situational holiday stressors include lingering health and safety issues initiated by COVID or other illnesses, large family gatherings, and the possibility of political discussions or disagreements with friends and family members this year in 2024

COPING STRATEGIES TO REDUCE STRESS, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

• Simple Earth Grounding – INSTRUCTIONS 

Lie flat on the floor and consider the ground beneath you. This can be done inside or outside in the shade or sun. Conceptualize how the ground is holding you up and think, “the Earth is always there for me”.  The heaviness you feel is gravity, pulling you and holding you to the Earth.  Focus and sense the back of your lungs and let yourself draw breaths from the back of your lungs closest to the ground.  Imagine the Earth is meeting you right where you are and allow the Earth to breath with you.  Imagine the Earth is a giant lung breathing into your lungs and rejuvenating you.  The Earth is kind, gentle, and taking her time to breath with you and into you.  Note how you slow down, how your breath expands, and how your belly softens.  Note how your mind slows down and how grounded and connected to the Earth you are feeling.  Notice your sense of well-being has returned (Mischke-Reeds, 2018). 

*This exercise can be located in the Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox, written by Manuela Mischke-Reeds, MA, LMFT and purchased online through Amazon or other retailers. (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=somatic+psychotherapy+toolbox&hvadid=598656745912&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9027255&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=4003203966055240108&hvtargid=kwd-483023752693&hydadcr=15529_13558536&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_18d117kex8_e). 

• Taking care of yourself is essential during the Holiday Season.  Here are a few self-care techniques:

1.  Avoid overscheduling yourself – saying “no” to certain events or activities during the Holiday is essential self-care.  Do not feel guilty for creating space for a break when you need it.

2. Add self-care to your calendar and follow-through including physical exercise, meditation breaks, and taking a walk with a friend.

3. Use affirmative thoughts when feeling anxious or stressed such as “Let it go.”  “I am whole, relaxed, and free of worry.”  

If you are spiritually inclined, an affirmative thought might be, “I release this anxiety and stress to God or to my Higher Power.”

1. If a wave of depression or anxiety is coming your way, journaling your feelings or writing out a gratitude list daily can help process your emotions and remind you of what you are thankful for during the Holiday Season.

2. Avoid isolating and talk to a professional counselor or therapist including but not limited to an LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) or an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor).  

WE ARE HERE TO HELP AT RECONNECTING RELATIONSHIPS THERAPY

Kandace Williamson, LMFT Associate – Supervised by Ryan Lloyd, Ph.D.

I hope you found this blog helpful in your journey towards healing.  If you are experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, or fear surrounding the holidays, therapy in Fort Worth may be beneficial for you.  And, if you are seeking couples counseling, individual therapy, teen therapy, or family therapy, Reconnecting Relationships Therapy can help!  Please feel free to visit our website and research my profile and our other therapist’s profiles to learn more and find the right fit for you and your needs.  Making an appointment online is simple and our website is easy to navigate and will guide you through the steps.  Take care. 

Strengthening Relationships with Apologies

A meaningful apology can significantly impact how connected we feel in our relationships. When we initiate an apology, we invite the other person to meet us with open communication. By taking ownership for our actions and initiating repairs, we send a message that it’s not about winning the argument, rather that it’s about understanding each other and prioritizing the relationship as a whole.

So why does it feel so hard sometimes? Or worse, receiving an apology that somehow escalates things further and leaves us feeling even less understood. It’s easy to convince ourselves that apologizing means admitting defeat. By not apologizing, we protect our own self-concept and feeling of autonomy and control. Apologizing requires vulnerability, which can feel like a big ask during times of conflict. Yet, a good apology can be empowering. When we take accountability for our actions, we also gain a sense of agency by witnessing our ability to handle hardship and conflict in our relationships.

Timing of the Apology

Timing is crucial for a well-delivered apology. If an apology is given too quickly, it can be perceived as superficial and insincere. So, it’s not just about the words we use when we apologize, but how and when we deliver the apology that makes the biggest impact. Studies have shown that apologies were more effective when given later rather than too soon.

It can be tempting to jump straight to saying sorry to end conflict. However, when we apologize too soon, we may actually send the message that the other person’s experience is not important, and we would rather not discuss the concerns in the relationship. We risk coming off insincere or dismissive. The person receiving the apology may not feel understood. Delaying an apology allows time for the other person to voice their feelings and clarify their perspective.

Delivery of the Apology

A good apology includes accountability without blame, deflection, or making excuses. A sincere apology prioritizes the relationship over our personal interests. Even if we don’t regret what we’ve done, or maybe we don’t feel we are in the wrong, we can still apologize for the impact and experience of the other person.

Example: You don’t invite your friend to an event you are hosting. Your friend finds out they are not invited through other people and is upset.

You may have very good reasons not to invite this friend, and yet your friend is still hurt. A sincere apology would be careful not to use language like “I’m sorry if I made you feel upset.” This essentially communicates “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

We can acknowledge that our friend is upset and likely feels left out. Your friend may respond better to something like “I’m sorry I did not discuss this with you sooner and that you found out through other people. I understand that this probably made you feel left out and maybe even embarrassed.” A good apology includes:

• Awareness of what you did

• Accountability for your behavior

• Acknowledgement of how this impacts the other person

After the Apology

After we apologize, we can give the other person an opportunity to clarify or expand on their thoughts and feelings. This is a time for us to continue listening and make sure we understand the other person’s experience. When we are apologizing, it’s important that the person receiving the apology gets the entire floor before we move on to our own perspective (at which point, we will be given the entire floor). Once things have cooled down a bit, you can ask the other person if you could share your own perspective and feelings of the situation.

Although we have the power to make an apology, the person receiving it has the choice to forgive or not to forgive. This risk of rejection may also be a reason why we find it difficult to apologize at times. If the person receiving our apology does not accept it, we may need to give the person some more time. We can also take this time to reflect and see if we may have missed understanding the other person’s experience.

Ultimately, a well delivered apology has the potential to improve communication in our relationships. Sincere apologies give us an opening to better manage conflict and feel more connected with our loved ones. It may take a few tries to get it right, and that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with taking a step back from the conversation and coming back together after having time to reflect. Afterall, one of the most healing aspects of repairs in our relationships comes from seeing each other put in the effort and take the risk of vulnerability. Even if we don’t get things exactly right, each attempt at repairing things gives us practice for next time.

Therapy Sessions| Located in Fort Worth, Texas

If you are interested in exploring and making repairs in your relationships, you can schedule a free consultation with me through the link below or email me at amy@reconnectingrelationships.com

Amy Coryell, MS, LMFT-Associate,

Supervised by Tanya Alexander, LMFT-S

Schedule with our RRT Therapist, Amy Coryell, LMFT-Associate

Research referenced in the article comes from a podcast episode of Hidden Brain called Healing 2.0: The Power of Apologies. The episode discusses how apologies not only influence our personal relationships, but also collective relationships between groups of people.

EMDR 101 – When is EMDR a Useful Tool in Therapy? The Answer Might Surprise You.

What is EMDR?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) was originated and developed by an American psychologist, Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. in 1987. Shapiro was taking a walk in the park and noticed that eye movements seemed to decrease her own negative emotions linked to her personal traumatic memories (Shapiro, 1989). From there, the research began and grew. EMDR has traditionally been used by trained therapists to treat PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorders) and past trauma. Veterans and first-responders such as law enforcement, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, eyewitnesses and others working in emergency situations may find EMDR therapy beneficial to process recent or past traumatic events (https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr-therapy-layperson/).

However, did you know that recent studies indicate EMDR is effective in also treating depression, anxiety, phobias not induced by trauma, addiction, and eating disorders?

UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA

Trauma can surface for you in the following ways:

• a single incident

• multiple events throughout life (complex trauma)

• OFTEN INVOLVES RELATIONSHIP TRAUMA

• physical or sexual abuse

• childhood neglect

• verbal or emotional abuse

WHAT ALSO FALLS UNDER THE CATEGORY OF “A TRAUMATIC EVENT”?

We experience trauma involving our relationships in the form of an extramarital affair, a separation or divorce, the death or illness of a child or family member, addictions including gambling, pornography, drugs and alcohol, sexual dysfunction, family of origin trauma or abuse, and yes…even negative communication, or miscommunication patterns in our relationships.

HOW DOES EMDR WORK?

Sometimes, our brain will lock in a memory with an original image, sound, feeling, smell, or thought. Since that memory is locked in the brain, it continues to be triggered when we are reminded of the distressing cue. Fear, negative emotions, helplessness, discomfort, and loss of control are often connected to the traumatic memory. The tools we use in EMDR can loosen and rewire the brain’s pathways (much like REM sleep patterns) and the memory eventually feels different, lighter, and further away. Our feelings and emotions associated with the memory are forever changed for the better. In other words, our brains do the work.

WHAT CAN I EXPECT DURING AN EMDR THERAPY SESSION?

There are eight phases in EMDR therapy and remember, each case is unique. The phases of EMDR include:

1. The therapist taking a complete history with you and a treatment plan is explored.

2. The therapist prepares you and explains how EMDR works, addressing your concerns and questions.

3. You will identify the event you decide to reprocess with your therapist, including sights, smells, sounds, sensations, and your core beliefs surrounding the memory.

4.   You will actively process the target memory using bilateral stimulation.  This phase may include the therapist guiding you in one or more of the following techniques to stimulate bilateral brain activity during memory processing:

a. You may be asked to cross your arms touching your opposite shoulder, taking turns tapping each shoulder back and forth

b. Following the therapist’s finger back and forth in front of your face with your eyes

c. Holding tappers in your hands that vibrate one at a time for bilateral stimulation

d. If the therapist has a light bar, you may be asked to track the light on the light bar back and forth with your eyes, much like following a tennis match

e. Sounds and tones in each ear using headphones may be added or used independently

f. These techniques can be used in person or during telehealth sessions online

5. Installation – fortifying and reinforcing the positive belief you want to connect with the target memory or event.

6. The therapist will ask you to do a body scan from head to toe while thinking about the target event and your new positive feeling or belief. During this phase, you will process any remaining discomfort you may feel in your body and mind.

7. Closure – your therapist will assist you in returning to your safe, calm place in the present moment, where hopefully you feel more neutral about the target event, and you sense and are aware that the new positive belief feels completely true to you.

8. Reevaluation is the last phase. You and your therapist recount recently reprocessed memories at the beginning of each session, validating that distress is still low and the positive belief is still true for you (https://www.emdria.org/blog/the-eight-phases-of-emdr-therapy/).

Kandace Williamson, LMFT-Associate, Supervised by Ryan Lloyd, PhD, LMFT-S

I hope you found this blog helpful in your journey towards healing. If you are experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, or PTSD regarding past memories or specific events, seeking EMDR therapy in Fort Worth may be beneficial for you. And, if you are seeking couples counseling, individual therapy, teen therapy, or family therapy, Reconnecting Relationships Therapy can help! Please feel free to visit our website and research my profile and our other therapist’s profiles to learn more and find the right fit for you and your needs. Making an appointment online is simple and our website is easy to navigate and will guide you through the steps. Take care.

Finding the Right Therapist in Fort Worth

Finding the Right Therapist in Fort Worth

For someone first embarking on their mental health journey, the task of finding the right therapist may seem daunting. There are so many words, licenses, and ideologies to navigate which may be unfamiliar to someone who hasn’t explored them before. One may not understand the importance of finding the right therapist, assuming they all do the same work. Alternatively, they may not trust any therapists and write off the experience entirely as not being for them.

Therapy is a great tool that one can use to work through your emotions, relationships with others, and behaviors. Speaking as a student interested in becoming a therapist, I recommend therapy to pretty much everyone I know. However, it cannot be as effective for the client if their therapist isn’t a good match. If you are beginning your search for a therapist or counselor in Fort Worth, Texas, these are some great characteristics to keep in mind during your search.

Types of Therapy in Fort Worth Texas

There are many types of therapy and different specialties that therapists choose to pursue.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions when looking for potential therapists. Learn about their experience working with clients who have had the same challenges as you. If you are seeking counseling for a specific experience, you may want to look into a specialist with knowledge focused on that specific topic. Therapists are trained in different ways in order to treat different populations. If you are looking for couples or family counseling, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) is trained to work with those clients. Different counselors can use different techniques in sessions as well. Some focus on talk therapy, mindfulness practices, or emotional awareness. Different techniques can be helpful to different clients depending on the individual and their need. 

Therapy and Personal Values

Your personal values are important in all of your relationships, and in a therapist, it can be just as important. While your therapist doesn’t have to have an exact match to your personal values, it can help the two of you connect and create a better relationship. Some people may choose to seek a therapist which follows the same religion or has similar life experiences so that they can feel well understood. Feeling safe and comfortable with your therapist can facilitate more impactful sessions. Keep your most important personal values in mind when selecting a therapist. But, a good therapist will do their best to put any differences aside for the sake of the client-therapist relationship.

Finding a Therapist in Fort Worth | Cost of Therapy

A common limiting factor to people seeking therapy is the cost of treatment. Finding a therapist that is able to work within your budget is extremely important. If you have insurance, search for a therapist within your network so that you can find the best match for you. Therapy ranges in cost depending on where and who you are receiving it from. Private practices often charge a higher rate than a community clinic may. Working with insurance, programs, and benefits from school or work can help to lower the cost and make therapy more accessible.

How do I find a therapist in Fort Worth?

Once you know what you’re looking for, how do you find a potential therapist? If you already know someone attending therapy who has had a good experience, word of mouth can be a great way to begin the journey. Who you decide to book with could also depend on your school or work and what benefits they provide. If you’re looking online, some great sites are GoodTherapy.org and PsychologyToday.com.

Another great place to find a therapist is at Reconnecting Relationships Therapy located in Fort Worth, Texas. We have therapists available for booking, all with different fields of interest and experience. To learn more about them and find the perfect match head to our Find Your Therapist page.

Blog Contributor, Samara Schultz, is a recent psychology major graduate. She received her Bachelor of Science from the University of North Texas in May 2024. She is currently the social media assistant for RRT as she continues to explore a career in mental health, community service, and political science.

Reconnecting: The Mother and Daughter Bond

“When women are heard, mothers and daughters are able to listen to each other”

— Rosjke Hasseldine

Family Therapy in Fort Worth | The Mother and Daughter Bond

During a conference I attended, it came to my attention that there is something unique about the mother-daughter relationship. In my years of practicing as a therapist in Fort Worth, I have had opportunities to see both mother and daughter in my office, and I noticed that they often struggled to connect. I had never realized that there was something deeper and special about how mothers and daughters relate to each other.

Changes in Womanhood

Expectations and roles used to be unchanging for women until in the last few years. In past generations we have seen the transition from women being stay at home mothers to entering the workfield. Women now have more educational and professional opportunities which has allowed them to take different paths than in previous generations. Women now consider not marrying or not having children which is completely opposite and not viewed as traditional. Nonetheless, these changes are difficult to accept or understand for many, especially women who did not experience these new options. Take a moment to reflect on a moment in which you shared a different belief or perspective to your mother or even grandmother. Or also think about a time where you craved emotional connection from your mother during a difficult time. How did they respond? Were they able to support you or try to understand you? Or has there been conflict due to your differing perspectives or your need for validation and empathy?

Mothers and Daughters | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

You might be wondering what a session with a mother and daughter would look like or what topics would be addressed. According to the therapist Rosjke Hasseldine, expert on the mother daughter relationship and author of “The Mother-Daughter Puzzle”, she believes that we should look into our past generations and patterns of how women are treated in our families. Our families influence our beliefs and how we perceive the world. Discovering destructive generational patterns is also an important piece to understanding how mother’s and daughters relate to each other.

Exploring how men in our families have treated our mothers or grandmothers is not to shame or blame. Nevertheless, we want to understand how those behaviors have impacted what it means to be a woman. This helps us understand how women in our families perceive having their needs met or expressing their emotions. From doing this inner work, we can discover if there has been a history of neglected needs or people pleasing. Some female clients have discovered that their mother’s depend emotionally on them, which continues the pattern of daughters having to fill the emotional void for their mothers and having to be selfless. Jealousy in mother and daughter relationships can also be a factor to explore. A good example of how jealousy can play a role in these relationships can be if a mother is desiring the same opportunities that her daughter now has. A mother might struggle in celebrating the accomplishments of her daughter that she would have wanted for herself. On other occasions it might be difficult to accept that daughters have taken a different path than what is expected of women in their families based not only on family expectations but also culturally. These situations can cause mothers and daughters to drift apart and remain stuck in conflict. Our Fort Worth therapists can help you work through these situations.

Therapy in Fort Worth for our future mothers and daughters

Moving forward, we want to forge a path for our future daughters and mothers in which they can listen to each other and connect. It is our responsibility to look into our history and how we can work on changing destructive generational patterns. We want for mothers and daughters to be able to understand and uplift each other. That mothers and daughters support each other in accomplishing their desires and to take care of their needs. If you are a mother to a daughter what would you have wanted from your mother that you now want to be for your daughter? If you are a daughter, what unhealthy themes would you like to change? If you are interested in learning more about healing the mother and daughter relationship feel free to schedule a free 15 minute consultation or to set up a session. You can also reach me at my email lilian@reconnectingrelationships.com

Let’s make a change! - Lilian

The Misconception: LMFTs only work with Couples and Families

LMFTs | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

A common myth that we often see in our Fort Worth therapy practice is that we, LMFTs, (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists), only work with couples or families.  I can understand the confusion, since it’s stated right there in our title!  However, we DO see individuals.  And personally, I love it! 

Some clients are not always seeking relationship help but instead want to solely focus on a concern related to depression, anxiety, addiction, self-esteem, etc.  These are all areas that LMFTs can do good work in.  MFTs are all different.  They can specialize in different areas, work with a diverse population, and use a variety of approaches to conduct therapy. 

At the same time, while these topics may seem individual, as LMFTs we are trained to make connections in a social or relational context.  We make note that the issues an individual struggles with can affect how they relate with others and how others relate to them.  This can be useful in therapy to help nurture personal growth and expand on the client’s skillset. 

Therapists in Fort Worth, TX - The MFT Perspective

Our most unique attribute as a marriage and family therapist is the way we look at problems.  We are trained to look at situations with a systemic perspective.  We consider the environment the individual has experienced.  And we keep in mind, how our individual client also affects others. 

And boy, do we like exploring circular patterns!  We challenge the typical linear way of examining an issue so there is a more well-rounded overview of how the problem presents itself.  Most issues are cyclical so identifying old patterns is paramount in forming new, healthy, and effective patterns.

Couples Therapy as an Individual

There have been plenty of times when I have spoken to a potential client and they share with me that they don’t believe their partner is willing to attend couples therapy.  I can hear their frustration and disappointment in their voice.  They worry that if their partner is unable or unwilling to attend, then what other option is there?  How else can their relationship improve?  They feel stuck believing change can only occur if they can get their partner to attend couple’s therapy. 

However, change can still occur.  An individual can enter into therapy to address the issues they are experiencing in their relationship.  They can receive support while also gaining tools to improve how they communicate and respond to issues with their partner. 

Want to Learn More about family therapy in Fort worth?

If you are seeking couples or family therapy in Fort Worth, then a marriage and family therapist makes sense.  But if you’re looking for individual therapy, well we can do that too! Please feel free to browse through our therapist profiles to learn more about each one of our unique Fort Worth therapists!

Relationship Growth: How Vulnerability Can Help Us

Growing Relationships | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

What is Vulnerability?

Vulnerability in relationships means sharing the most honest and authentic parts of ourselves that we fear will result in our rejection. The possibility of rejection can leave us feeling like our entire being is in danger when we engage with others in vulnerable ways. Nonetheless, vulnerability is a way to establish deep and meaningful connections in our most important relationships.

Vulnerability is influenced by our own unique culture, history, and sense of self. What feels vulnerable to one person may not feel vulnerable to someone else. To strengthen relationships, it’s not only crucial to practice vulnerability, but we must also attune to the vulnerability of others. When cues of vulnerability are missed, the relationship can be threatened.

Recognizing Vulnerability | Working With Your Therapist in Fort Worth Texas

We communicate vulnerability through both verbal and nonverbal cues. In other words, it’s not only about what we say, but how we say it. Does our voice shake? Do we tear up? Do we feel nervous? Others are more likely to recognize vulnerability when we show them behaviorally, acknowledging our willingness to be vulnerable in the moment.

When our verbal and nonverbal cues are not aligned, people are less likely to respond to our attempts at vulnerability. This is not because people don’t care, rather they likely did not sense what we shared needed caring and support. Emotions give others signals on how to respond to us, and when our actions and words align to accurately portray our emotions, we are more likely to receive the connection and support we need.

Examples of vulnerability

• Sharing your feelings or thoughts to a friend

• Physical affection

• Voicing your needs in a relationship

• Expressing how you’ve been hurt in the past

Vulnerability vs Oversharing

Although many people will appreciate our vulnerability, some people may not be as receptive. The risk of rejection is increased when we engage in oversharing. Vulnerability involves authentically sharing emotions, thoughts, and concerns in a deliberate way to promote trust, mutual understanding, and support.

Oversharing is often used as a defense mechanism. Instead of acknowledging our feelings, we may overshare to distance ourselves from our feelings or protect ourselves against insecurities. Oversharing is not vulnerability because we are more likely to overshare automatically to reduce our anxieties, while genuine vulnerability occurs intentionally, after we have determined we are safe with someone.

Vulnerability with the Right People

One of the best signs that someone is trustworthy is if they have previously responded well to your vulnerability. Since we know rejection is a real risk to vulnerability, it’s important to mitigate these risks as best we can. If we are feeling particularly vulnerable, we could start by talking with a friend we already trust and feel secure with. If we then go to a different friend whose trust has not yet been verified, it won’t hurt as badly if they don’t respond as we hoped. This also gives us an opportunity to figure out if this friend is someone we can trust with our vulnerability in the future. A therapist is also a great person to start practicing vulnerability with.

Barriers to Vulnerability

Although vulnerability is essential for relationships, real challenges to vulnerability do exist. Acknowledging which barriers impact you and others is necessary for vulnerability to create fulfilling relationships.

• Fear of Rejection: When our vulnerability is rejected, we further distance ourselves from vulnerability out of fear of future rejection. Fearing rejection may also be rooted in early experiences of childhood.

• Past Experiences: Past traumas, betrayals, or emotional abuse can make vulnerability especially difficult to practice, often as an attempt to protect from more painful experiences.

• Social and Cultural Expectations: Social norms, gender roles, and cultural expectations can discourage vulnerability and suppress emotional expression. Systemic traumas, such as violence, can also hinder expression of vulnerability.

How Vulnerability Can Help Us

People often believe vulnerability burdens relationships; however, this is not exactly true. People who self-disclose are generally better liked and viewed as genuine. Vulnerability not only promotes connection because we are perceived as more authentic; it also shows others that we trust them. Allowing others to influence and support us not only benefits us, but it improves their mental health, physical health, and adds meaning to our relationships.

Trusted relationships are built from vulnerability, and when we find ourselves unable to trust others, we risk further isolating ourselves into loneliness. Because relationships are crucial to our existence, navigating life without trust in others can result in depression and hopelessness. We may avoid vulnerability by projecting perfection as a barrier. When we deny ourselves the acceptance of our flaws and shortcomings, we think less of ourselves and develop poor self-perception. This further isolates us from others and prevents meaningful connections fundamental to life.

Vulnerability in Romantic Relationships

We naturally want to show the “best versions” of ourselves when we meet potential romantic partners. However, if we hope for an authentic connection, intimacy, and trust, we will have to share the more vulnerable parts of ourselves as well. When we prioritize perfection over authenticity, we create instability and distrust in our relationship.

Vulnerability promotes intimacy in romantic relationships by encouraging us to be more responsive to each other. Vulnerable self-disclosure also lays the foundation for emotional safety in a romantic relationship. This emotional safety allows us to be able to discuss more difficult topics with our romantic partners, further improving the relationship.

Vulnerability in Friendships

In childhood, friendships are some of our first relationships outside our families that allow us to practice vulnerability and feel accepted by others. As adults, we rely on our friends to provide a network of support and community.

When we avoid vulnerability in friendships, we don’t let our friends know how important they are to us, even if we care about them very much. People typically want to feel trusted and meaningful in the lives of people close to them. Successful relationships require a balance of give and take. Share more honestly and offer support when a friend shares with you.

Vulnerability at Work

Professional relationships come with specific challenges and unwritten rules. We often present a very different version of ourselves in our professional lives. Although professional boundaries do very much exist, vulnerability in the workplace can benefit many of our workplace relationships.

We are often socialized to believe our worth is contingent on being complicit, efficient, and near perfect in the professional sphere. Anything short can threaten the stability of our professional identity with replacement. Many of us are expected to bring our fullest selves to work, so what if we did?

Vulnerability can create mutually beneficial relationships between employees and direct supervisors. Without vulnerability, lapses in performance may be attributed to a lack of care, lack of knowledge, or not enough effort. When we do not disclose struggles or external pressures impacting our work, we are further solidifying the expectation of perfection and productivity.

Practicing Vulnerability

Remember, vulnerability can be transformative for many relationships when practiced deliberately. Here are a few places to start practicing vulnerability:

Self-awareness and Self-acceptance: Identifying and understanding your own emotions is the foundation to any successful relationship. When we are aware of our own feelings and thoughts, we are better able to emotionally regulate and participate in relationships.

• Open Communication: Communicating our thoughts and feelings authentically and respectfully promotes further trust and reduces misunderstandings in relationships.

• Empathy and Active Listening: Empathy and active listening allows us to connect with the emotional landscapes of others and strengthens trust. Conflict is also more successfully managed when using empathy and active listening.

• Flexible Boundaries: Creating personal boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others allows for feeling safe in a relationship. Boundaries recognize that vulnerability will be shared at a comfortable pace for both individuals.

If you are interested in further exploring vulnerability in your relationships, you can schedule a free consultation with me through the link below or email me at amy@reconnectingrelationships.com

Schedule with Amy

Amy’s Bio

Schedule an appointment for therapy in Fort Worth, TX

Understanding Dating in a Modern Era

The evolution of technology has allowed us to reach corners of the world that we could not imagine years ago. We are now able to connect with people from around the globe and create and maintain connections. This technology has also brought the era of dating apps and being able to find love without having to leave our homes. However, the idea of finding love through a dating app is still uncommon and may have many of us wondering how to navigate these new opportunities to find love.

Understanding Dating Apps

It has become more common for people to seek love through dating apps. Many of my clients from different age ranges have become more interested in using dating apps but have had many doubts and questions on how they work and what to expect. Society has become more accepting of this practice and opening up to the possibilities.

Some of the popular dating sites include Bumble, Hinge, or eHarmony. Each dating site has its different ways of connecting with people. For example, on Bumble the woman makes the first move on her matches. Try exploring dating apps and what their purpose is and what the majority of people on those sites seek. Also, keep in mind that some of these websites require extra memberships in order to use some of their features.

Today’s Societal Dating Norms on Online Dating

Exclusivity while online dating might not be as common due to people having the opportunity to connect and match with multiple people. I often hear clients feeling upset after they discover that their match might be seeing other people at the same time. Therefore, it might be important to understand that on online dating people are meeting with others simultaneously. What I encourage you to do is communicate clearly what you expect while dating and discuss boundaries and expectations about what each of you is looking for.

You may have heard of “ghosting” which is when a person simply disappears without communicating the reason. Oftentimes, ghosting can leave people wondering what they did wrong or struggle with the feelings of rejection. Remember that we are not in control of what others do and can only control our own actions. Focus on how you can continue to grow as you continue to meet new potential partners.

Commitment in Modern Dating

Everyone might have a different meaning of what commitment means and looks like. Some may believe that commitment is marriage, while others might believe that it is having a stable long term relationship. Regardless of the meaning you have, it is important for you and the other person to have honest discussions of your expectations and if it is time to take the relationship to the next level.

Are we ready to commit to each other? Consider these tips as you decide on taking the relationship to another level!

Curiosity

Prioritize getting to know each other and avoiding falling into assumptions. Often people come in with assumptions that get in the way of giving each other the opportunity to learn from each other. Try to be curious and explore what are each other’s interests, values, beliefs or dreams. Learning from each other can help you determine compatibility. Keep in mind that compatibility does not mean agreeing with each other but being able to accept and respect each other's view.

Transparency

Being honest and transparent can lead to increased intimacy and trust. It might not always be easy or comfortable to express your feelings or thoughts but it is helpful in building a strong foundation and connection.

Communication

In any relationship, communication is key and the foundation of a strong relationship. Healthy communication can look like validation, active listening and understanding the other person’s point of view. If in doubt, always be curious and ask the person more about what they are sharing to you.

It is always recommended to be aware of red flags and set boundaries when needed. Be careful about sharing inappropriate content as it can remain on the internet forever. Also, always try to meet your matches in a public space and let your family and friends know where you will be going in order to practice safety measures.

Therapy can also be a good way to help you discuss more about healthy relationship skills and how to navigate online dating. Our therapists in Fort Worth, TX can provide guidance on how to navigate online relationships and strengthen your confidence in seeking love online! If you are interested in further discussing dating issues with me feel free to book a session or schedule a free 15 minute consultation. You can also use the link below to learn more about me!

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Psychology Today

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Being Highly Sensitive: What Does It Mean?

Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

Understanding a Highly Sensitive Person

Have you ever been told you’re very sensitive or emotional?  Have you noticed feeling exhausted or overwhelmed after attending large events with loud noise and crowded areas, like weddings or concerts? Are you able to pick up on subtleties in your environment or how someone is feeling just by looking at them?  You may be one of the 15-20% of the population that meets criteria for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait!

The HSP trait is not a diagnosable condition in the psychology world.  It is a specific set of personality traits, with these traits being both genetically inherited and shaped by our life experiences. While it is not uncommon for people with depression or anxiety to meet criteria for the highly sensitive trait, the two are not exclusive- you can have one and not the other!

Finding out you’re highly sensitive can be a confusing and even a scary moment.  What does it mean to be highly sensitive?  According to Dr. Elaine Aron, author of “The Highly Sensitive Person”, the highly sensitive trait could better be described as “sensory processing sensitivity”.  Everyone gathers and interprets information from the world, but HSPs are significantly more perceptive to their surroundings. Our senses even pick up on subtleties in our interactions with others in social situations.  A great way I’ve heard it described is, “HSP’s not only focus on what’s being said- they also pick up on what’s being unsaid”.  We pick up on body language and facial expressions faster and more intensely than non-HSPs. 

Strengths You May have If You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

“This sounds exhausting”, you may be thinking.  Sometimes it is! HSPs often need time alone to recharge and recenter, especially after large social gatherings or busy weeks at work.  However, there are many positives to having this trait! Some include:

• High levels of empathy.  We automatically put ourselves in other people’s situations and feel what they’re feeling.  This makes us naturally compassionate or nurturing friends and partners!

• Highly perceptive.  We can quickly determine someone’s emotional state and what they need in that moment from us, usually from body language or facial expression alone.

• Increased attention to detail.  We easily catch small mistakes on work or life projects. If you need a paper to be read over and edited, an HSP would be a great person to do so! 

• Excellent hosts/hostesses.  HSPs can often tell what someone needs to make them more comfortable in their environment, like lowering the lights or turning down music or TV.

• Lovers of the arts.  Our high sensitivity makes us great friends to take along to concerts or museums. We are very moved by our favorite artists and musicians, often listening to music whenever we can.

Myths of a Highly Sensitive Person |Find a Therapist in Fort Worth, TX

Being highly sensitive can come with some stigma from those who don’t completely understand the meaning “sensitive”.  When most people hear “This person is sensitive”, they usually think of someone who gets offended or upset very easily.  This is a common myth of highly sensitive people. Remember, sensitivity refers to our brain’s way of processing information, not necessarily our entire personality.  Here are a few other common myths of the highly sensitive person:

• We’re extreme introverts/”antisocial”.  Being an introvert is common in HSPs, but it is not a prerequisite! The majority of HSPs enjoy spending time with friends and loved ones just as much as a typical extrovert.  HSPs just tend to feel higher levels of social fatigue after big events, meaning they need more time to unwind and relax before they’re ready to go to another big social gathering.

• Being highly sensitive is bad, annoying, or unhelpful.  Quite the opposite! We are very empathetic, compassionate, and intuitive. We’re highly observant to the world around us, particularly those we love.

• HSPs only think with their emotions, not with logic.  While we do tend to sway more to feeling rather than thinking, that doesn’t mean we don’t think at all.  HSPs use logic every day through critical thinking to problem solve.  The vast majority of HSPs don’t let their emotions run the show, because if we did, we know we would wear ourselves out! HSPs use logic and critical thinking along with how they’re feeling and what they think is the right and wrong things to do in any given situation.  Keep in mind, emotions help us learn.  If we didn’t have emotions, we would most likely be dead! Emotions are stored in our amygdala, an area of our brain’s limbic system housed just above our cerebellum. While the amygdala is our emotion center, it also plays a major role in sensing danger.  If a fire were to start in your office, the amygdala would alert your nervous system that something is wrong.  You would feel several emotions, like fear, shock, and panic.  Your nervous system would respond accordingly, beginning the “fight or flight” process of getting your body ready to fight the threat or run away.  All of this happens within half a millisecond!

Self-care for HSPs | Counseling in Fort Worth

Now that we have covered the HSP basics, let’s talk about self-care.  Everyone needs to practice self-care to keep ourselves happy and healthy, but it’s especially important for those that are highly sensitive.  Our compassionate demeanor often has us overextending ourselves for others, whether it’s clients from work, friends, family, etc.  When we don’t refill our emotional battery, it is very easy for us to burn out and experience feelings of apathy or depression.  What are some good ways to re-center and ground us after an emotionally exhausting day? Here are some ideas:

• Practice guided breathing.  Our bodies immediately respond to increased oxygen intake, which helps our nervous system return to baseline and out of “work stress” mode.  Practice breathing in deeply for four counts, holding for four counts, and exhaling for four counts (what I call the square breath)!

• Keep your body moving.  Walking, running, yoga, pilates, hiking… Whatever calls to you the most! So long as you are getting at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise 3 times a week.  Regular exercise can help regulate our emotion system and increase our stress management.

• Journal your feelings.  Sometimes it’s helpful to “word vomit” onto a word document or in a notebook to lay out and process feelings from the day. 

• Create and implement a solid bedtime routine.  Another part of self-care is making sure we’re getting adequate sleep!  Think about things you usually do before bed- Washing your face, brushing your teeth, and changing into your comfy pants are a given, but what else could you begin doing to help wind down?  I’ve had many people share what works for them, including taking a warm bath, reading a book before bed rather than watching TV (we should be avoiding all screens 30 minutes before bedtime), and listening to relaxing music are all great options to add to your nightly routine.  The more you stick to the routine, the easier it will be to fall asleep and stay asleep due to your brain and body picking up on “cues”, such as beginning to release melatonin when getting into a nightly bath.

• Do things you enjoy! Read, paint, draw, build legos, do whatever hobby makes you feel good and fulfilled.  Connect with friends or go on a walk around the neighborhood with your spouse. Watch a funny movie or your favorite show!

If you think you’re highly sensitive, you may be wondering what that means for you and what to do next.  While counseling certainly isn’t required, it could be helpful to have a professional help you navigate through these feelings and give you tools to provide more insight and validation for your experience.  There are also many resources regarding HSP, most notably Dr. Elaine Aron’s book I mentioned earlier. “The Highly Sensitive Person” explains this personality trait with real-life case studies from Dr. Aron’s counseling experiences.

Do you think you may be highly sensitive or know someone who is?  If you search for “Highly Sensitive Person quiz”, you can find a free test to determine if you have this special trait! Or you can join me on my podcast, “The Highly Sensitive Podcast”, dedicated to HSPs and how to navigate through stress, struggles, and loud noises! If you would like to go further and address this topic with me, you can schedule a free consultation or email me at kate@reconnectingrelationships.com

Take good care of yourself and be well!

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Couples Therapy: What is Validation and Why is it so Hard to Practice?

Couples Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

Most recently, I shared with someone that a particular situation had been frustrating for me.  I was met with reasons not to be upset.  Did this make me feel better?  No. Of course not.  Is this person a bad person?  No. Of course not. 

We may go around invalidating people and not realize it.  How many times have you heard yourself tell someone, “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll all be fine.”  We mean well but we’re really not expressing acceptance of that person’s concern or worry about a situation when we tell them everything will be alright.  Even if we absolutely know that everything will be okay it’s best to first acknowledge the emotion they are experiencing and make sure they feel heard before moving to problem solving. 

So, what is validation?

Simply speaking, it is communicating acceptance of someone’s feelings or emotions.  However, this doesn’t mean we agree with what they say or with the action they take in response to those feelings.  Also, validating can go beyond verbalizing, it can include facial expressions, body language, and tone.  Validation is an expression of openness to hearing and attempting to understand your partner’s experience in a situation. 

Expressing validation is one of the best and hardest skills to utilize in a couple’s relationship. When we validate, we are less likely to be confronted with defensiveness which can allow us to get to working through conflict more effectively.  When a partner feels confident that their emotions will be validated then there is no need to defend their position.  Partners are able to speak more honestly and openly about their perspective which helps build trust in relationships.  But how come it’s so hard to do this?

Reasons Why Couples Struggle to Validate

• Not sure how.  Perhaps, this was a skill not modeled in their family often enough. So, it is difficult to recognize when to validate and how to respond to their partner appropriately. 

• They don’t agree with their partner’s perspective.  Some couples believe that by validating their partner’s emotion it sends the message that they agree with the thought or behavior described by their partner.

• It feels like they are giving in or losing an argument.  Again, they feel they are communicating that they agree with the partner and therefore it means giving up their own stance on the issue.  Perhaps they feel they are now to blame or feel criticized for the outcome of an event or situation.  Our need to protect our ego can be strong. 

• They experience discomfort with their partner’s emotions.  It’s uncomfortable to see your loved one in distress and making the negative feeling go away is paramount in reestablishing homeostasis.  Some couples need help with emotion regulation to help them cope with negative feelings.    

• They don’t believe they are offered validation in the relationship. Some couples keep score of what they do and do not receive.  They have a hard time expressing vulnerability.  If they don’t feel they receive validation from their partner they feel less inclined to provide it.

 As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Fort Worth, TX, I come across this issue often.  This is one of the most misunderstood and challenging conflict resolution skills to utilize in romantic relationships.  It’s really about taking the time to listen to a partner’s point of view and be able to reflect the experience without getting triggered by a partner’s perspective.  However, it is so useful in various relationships - with friends, family members, coworkers, etc. But being able to provide validation is not always an easy task. It takes time to strengthen this skill so have patience with it and extend grace to your partner if they struggle with it.

Do you struggle to validate your partner?  Which one of these reasons apply to you?  If you need help with enhancing this skill, please feel free to reach out to one of our individual or couples therapists for assistance. 

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