FINDING SERENITY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

How can we improve our mental health and reduce anxiety during the Holidays?

Before we dive into the topic, get comfortable and take a deep breath for 4 counts, hold it for 4 counts, and release the breath and any negative energy you feel for a count of 6.  Repeat this simple box breathing exercise slowly 4 to 6 times in a row to manage stress and anxiety, lower your heartrate, and improve your focus, concentration and state of mind.  You can practice box breathing anytime you have a quiet space and five minutes during the holidays to set your positive intentions and relax.

Why Does My Anxiety Increase During the Holidays?

Top 10 Stressors Include:

1.  Financial pressure and concerns – buying gifts, outfits, food, decorations, travel, holiday shows and buying tickets, and the cost of throwing parties and hosting holiday events

2.  Anxiety over decision-making – for example, choosing gifts, who to invite to Thanksgiving or holiday gatherings, and who not to invite in certain cases

3. Feeling rushed and overscheduled

4. Family dynamics extending to our family of origin and distant relatives we see less often

5. Overwhelming commercialism and holiday hype everywhere we turn

6. Isolation and lack of emotional support can lead to feeling depressed and emotionally dysregulation

7. Food – buying it, cooking it, and overeating as a coping mechanism

8. Social Media related anxiety – comparing to others on SM and what they are buying and doing during the Holidays can trigger thoughts like “their family looks perfect”, “I am not good enough”, “I wish I could afford to buy a car for my wife like they can”, for example

9. Other shoppers, huge crowds, and traffic on busy shopping days like Black Friday 

10. Recent situational holiday stressors include lingering health and safety issues initiated by COVID or other illnesses, large family gatherings, and the possibility of political discussions or disagreements with friends and family members this year in 2024

COPING STRATEGIES TO REDUCE STRESS, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

• Simple Earth Grounding – INSTRUCTIONS 

Lie flat on the floor and consider the ground beneath you. This can be done inside or outside in the shade or sun. Conceptualize how the ground is holding you up and think, “the Earth is always there for me”.  The heaviness you feel is gravity, pulling you and holding you to the Earth.  Focus and sense the back of your lungs and let yourself draw breaths from the back of your lungs closest to the ground.  Imagine the Earth is meeting you right where you are and allow the Earth to breath with you.  Imagine the Earth is a giant lung breathing into your lungs and rejuvenating you.  The Earth is kind, gentle, and taking her time to breath with you and into you.  Note how you slow down, how your breath expands, and how your belly softens.  Note how your mind slows down and how grounded and connected to the Earth you are feeling.  Notice your sense of well-being has returned (Mischke-Reeds, 2018). 

*This exercise can be located in the Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox, written by Manuela Mischke-Reeds, MA, LMFT and purchased online through Amazon or other retailers. (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=somatic+psychotherapy+toolbox&hvadid=598656745912&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9027255&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=4003203966055240108&hvtargid=kwd-483023752693&hydadcr=15529_13558536&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_18d117kex8_e). 

• Taking care of yourself is essential during the Holiday Season.  Here are a few self-care techniques:

1.  Avoid overscheduling yourself – saying “no” to certain events or activities during the Holiday is essential self-care.  Do not feel guilty for creating space for a break when you need it.

2. Add self-care to your calendar and follow-through including physical exercise, meditation breaks, and taking a walk with a friend.

3. Use affirmative thoughts when feeling anxious or stressed such as “Let it go.”  “I am whole, relaxed, and free of worry.”  

If you are spiritually inclined, an affirmative thought might be, “I release this anxiety and stress to God or to my Higher Power.”

1. If a wave of depression or anxiety is coming your way, journaling your feelings or writing out a gratitude list daily can help process your emotions and remind you of what you are thankful for during the Holiday Season.

2. Avoid isolating and talk to a professional counselor or therapist including but not limited to an LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) or an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor).  

WE ARE HERE TO HELP AT RECONNECTING RELATIONSHIPS THERAPY

Kandace Williamson, LMFT Associate – Supervised by Ryan Lloyd, Ph.D.

I hope you found this blog helpful in your journey towards healing.  If you are experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, or fear surrounding the holidays, therapy in Fort Worth may be beneficial for you.  And, if you are seeking couples counseling, individual therapy, teen therapy, or family therapy, Reconnecting Relationships Therapy can help!  Please feel free to visit our website and research my profile and our other therapist’s profiles to learn more and find the right fit for you and your needs.  Making an appointment online is simple and our website is easy to navigate and will guide you through the steps.  Take care. 

EMDR 101 – When is EMDR a Useful Tool in Therapy? The Answer Might Surprise You.

What is EMDR?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) was originated and developed by an American psychologist, Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. in 1987. Shapiro was taking a walk in the park and noticed that eye movements seemed to decrease her own negative emotions linked to her personal traumatic memories (Shapiro, 1989). From there, the research began and grew. EMDR has traditionally been used by trained therapists to treat PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorders) and past trauma. Veterans and first-responders such as law enforcement, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, eyewitnesses and others working in emergency situations may find EMDR therapy beneficial to process recent or past traumatic events (https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr-therapy-layperson/).

However, did you know that recent studies indicate EMDR is effective in also treating depression, anxiety, phobias not induced by trauma, addiction, and eating disorders?

UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA

Trauma can surface for you in the following ways:

• a single incident

• multiple events throughout life (complex trauma)

• OFTEN INVOLVES RELATIONSHIP TRAUMA

• physical or sexual abuse

• childhood neglect

• verbal or emotional abuse

WHAT ALSO FALLS UNDER THE CATEGORY OF “A TRAUMATIC EVENT”?

We experience trauma involving our relationships in the form of an extramarital affair, a separation or divorce, the death or illness of a child or family member, addictions including gambling, pornography, drugs and alcohol, sexual dysfunction, family of origin trauma or abuse, and yes…even negative communication, or miscommunication patterns in our relationships.

HOW DOES EMDR WORK?

Sometimes, our brain will lock in a memory with an original image, sound, feeling, smell, or thought. Since that memory is locked in the brain, it continues to be triggered when we are reminded of the distressing cue. Fear, negative emotions, helplessness, discomfort, and loss of control are often connected to the traumatic memory. The tools we use in EMDR can loosen and rewire the brain’s pathways (much like REM sleep patterns) and the memory eventually feels different, lighter, and further away. Our feelings and emotions associated with the memory are forever changed for the better. In other words, our brains do the work.

WHAT CAN I EXPECT DURING AN EMDR THERAPY SESSION?

There are eight phases in EMDR therapy and remember, each case is unique. The phases of EMDR include:

1. The therapist taking a complete history with you and a treatment plan is explored.

2. The therapist prepares you and explains how EMDR works, addressing your concerns and questions.

3. You will identify the event you decide to reprocess with your therapist, including sights, smells, sounds, sensations, and your core beliefs surrounding the memory.

4.   You will actively process the target memory using bilateral stimulation.  This phase may include the therapist guiding you in one or more of the following techniques to stimulate bilateral brain activity during memory processing:

a. You may be asked to cross your arms touching your opposite shoulder, taking turns tapping each shoulder back and forth

b. Following the therapist’s finger back and forth in front of your face with your eyes

c. Holding tappers in your hands that vibrate one at a time for bilateral stimulation

d. If the therapist has a light bar, you may be asked to track the light on the light bar back and forth with your eyes, much like following a tennis match

e. Sounds and tones in each ear using headphones may be added or used independently

f. These techniques can be used in person or during telehealth sessions online

5. Installation – fortifying and reinforcing the positive belief you want to connect with the target memory or event.

6. The therapist will ask you to do a body scan from head to toe while thinking about the target event and your new positive feeling or belief. During this phase, you will process any remaining discomfort you may feel in your body and mind.

7. Closure – your therapist will assist you in returning to your safe, calm place in the present moment, where hopefully you feel more neutral about the target event, and you sense and are aware that the new positive belief feels completely true to you.

8. Reevaluation is the last phase. You and your therapist recount recently reprocessed memories at the beginning of each session, validating that distress is still low and the positive belief is still true for you (https://www.emdria.org/blog/the-eight-phases-of-emdr-therapy/).

Kandace Williamson, LMFT-Associate, Supervised by Ryan Lloyd, PhD, LMFT-S

I hope you found this blog helpful in your journey towards healing. If you are experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, or PTSD regarding past memories or specific events, seeking EMDR therapy in Fort Worth may be beneficial for you. And, if you are seeking couples counseling, individual therapy, teen therapy, or family therapy, Reconnecting Relationships Therapy can help! Please feel free to visit our website and research my profile and our other therapist’s profiles to learn more and find the right fit for you and your needs. Making an appointment online is simple and our website is easy to navigate and will guide you through the steps. Take care.

The Misconception: LMFTs only work with Couples and Families

LMFTs | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

A common myth that we often see in our Fort Worth therapy practice is that we, LMFTs, (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists), only work with couples or families.  I can understand the confusion, since it’s stated right there in our title!  However, we DO see individuals.  And personally, I love it! 

Some clients are not always seeking relationship help but instead want to solely focus on a concern related to depression, anxiety, addiction, self-esteem, etc.  These are all areas that LMFTs can do good work in.  MFTs are all different.  They can specialize in different areas, work with a diverse population, and use a variety of approaches to conduct therapy. 

At the same time, while these topics may seem individual, as LMFTs we are trained to make connections in a social or relational context.  We make note that the issues an individual struggles with can affect how they relate with others and how others relate to them.  This can be useful in therapy to help nurture personal growth and expand on the client’s skillset. 

Therapists in Fort Worth, TX - The MFT Perspective

Our most unique attribute as a marriage and family therapist is the way we look at problems.  We are trained to look at situations with a systemic perspective.  We consider the environment the individual has experienced.  And we keep in mind, how our individual client also affects others. 

And boy, do we like exploring circular patterns!  We challenge the typical linear way of examining an issue so there is a more well-rounded overview of how the problem presents itself.  Most issues are cyclical so identifying old patterns is paramount in forming new, healthy, and effective patterns.

Couples Therapy as an Individual

There have been plenty of times when I have spoken to a potential client and they share with me that they don’t believe their partner is willing to attend couples therapy.  I can hear their frustration and disappointment in their voice.  They worry that if their partner is unable or unwilling to attend, then what other option is there?  How else can their relationship improve?  They feel stuck believing change can only occur if they can get their partner to attend couple’s therapy. 

However, change can still occur.  An individual can enter into therapy to address the issues they are experiencing in their relationship.  They can receive support while also gaining tools to improve how they communicate and respond to issues with their partner. 

Want to Learn More about family therapy in Fort worth?

If you are seeking couples or family therapy in Fort Worth, then a marriage and family therapist makes sense.  But if you’re looking for individual therapy, well we can do that too! Please feel free to browse through our therapist profiles to learn more about each one of our unique Fort Worth therapists!

Relationship Growth: How Vulnerability Can Help Us

Growing Relationships | Therapy in Fort Worth, TX

What is Vulnerability?

Vulnerability in relationships means sharing the most honest and authentic parts of ourselves that we fear will result in our rejection. The possibility of rejection can leave us feeling like our entire being is in danger when we engage with others in vulnerable ways. Nonetheless, vulnerability is a way to establish deep and meaningful connections in our most important relationships.

Vulnerability is influenced by our own unique culture, history, and sense of self. What feels vulnerable to one person may not feel vulnerable to someone else. To strengthen relationships, it’s not only crucial to practice vulnerability, but we must also attune to the vulnerability of others. When cues of vulnerability are missed, the relationship can be threatened.

Recognizing Vulnerability | Working With Your Therapist in Fort Worth Texas

We communicate vulnerability through both verbal and nonverbal cues. In other words, it’s not only about what we say, but how we say it. Does our voice shake? Do we tear up? Do we feel nervous? Others are more likely to recognize vulnerability when we show them behaviorally, acknowledging our willingness to be vulnerable in the moment.

When our verbal and nonverbal cues are not aligned, people are less likely to respond to our attempts at vulnerability. This is not because people don’t care, rather they likely did not sense what we shared needed caring and support. Emotions give others signals on how to respond to us, and when our actions and words align to accurately portray our emotions, we are more likely to receive the connection and support we need.

Examples of vulnerability

• Sharing your feelings or thoughts to a friend

• Physical affection

• Voicing your needs in a relationship

• Expressing how you’ve been hurt in the past

Vulnerability vs Oversharing

Although many people will appreciate our vulnerability, some people may not be as receptive. The risk of rejection is increased when we engage in oversharing. Vulnerability involves authentically sharing emotions, thoughts, and concerns in a deliberate way to promote trust, mutual understanding, and support.

Oversharing is often used as a defense mechanism. Instead of acknowledging our feelings, we may overshare to distance ourselves from our feelings or protect ourselves against insecurities. Oversharing is not vulnerability because we are more likely to overshare automatically to reduce our anxieties, while genuine vulnerability occurs intentionally, after we have determined we are safe with someone.

Vulnerability with the Right People

One of the best signs that someone is trustworthy is if they have previously responded well to your vulnerability. Since we know rejection is a real risk to vulnerability, it’s important to mitigate these risks as best we can. If we are feeling particularly vulnerable, we could start by talking with a friend we already trust and feel secure with. If we then go to a different friend whose trust has not yet been verified, it won’t hurt as badly if they don’t respond as we hoped. This also gives us an opportunity to figure out if this friend is someone we can trust with our vulnerability in the future. A therapist is also a great person to start practicing vulnerability with.

Barriers to Vulnerability

Although vulnerability is essential for relationships, real challenges to vulnerability do exist. Acknowledging which barriers impact you and others is necessary for vulnerability to create fulfilling relationships.

• Fear of Rejection: When our vulnerability is rejected, we further distance ourselves from vulnerability out of fear of future rejection. Fearing rejection may also be rooted in early experiences of childhood.

• Past Experiences: Past traumas, betrayals, or emotional abuse can make vulnerability especially difficult to practice, often as an attempt to protect from more painful experiences.

• Social and Cultural Expectations: Social norms, gender roles, and cultural expectations can discourage vulnerability and suppress emotional expression. Systemic traumas, such as violence, can also hinder expression of vulnerability.

How Vulnerability Can Help Us

People often believe vulnerability burdens relationships; however, this is not exactly true. People who self-disclose are generally better liked and viewed as genuine. Vulnerability not only promotes connection because we are perceived as more authentic; it also shows others that we trust them. Allowing others to influence and support us not only benefits us, but it improves their mental health, physical health, and adds meaning to our relationships.

Trusted relationships are built from vulnerability, and when we find ourselves unable to trust others, we risk further isolating ourselves into loneliness. Because relationships are crucial to our existence, navigating life without trust in others can result in depression and hopelessness. We may avoid vulnerability by projecting perfection as a barrier. When we deny ourselves the acceptance of our flaws and shortcomings, we think less of ourselves and develop poor self-perception. This further isolates us from others and prevents meaningful connections fundamental to life.

Vulnerability in Romantic Relationships

We naturally want to show the “best versions” of ourselves when we meet potential romantic partners. However, if we hope for an authentic connection, intimacy, and trust, we will have to share the more vulnerable parts of ourselves as well. When we prioritize perfection over authenticity, we create instability and distrust in our relationship.

Vulnerability promotes intimacy in romantic relationships by encouraging us to be more responsive to each other. Vulnerable self-disclosure also lays the foundation for emotional safety in a romantic relationship. This emotional safety allows us to be able to discuss more difficult topics with our romantic partners, further improving the relationship.

Vulnerability in Friendships

In childhood, friendships are some of our first relationships outside our families that allow us to practice vulnerability and feel accepted by others. As adults, we rely on our friends to provide a network of support and community.

When we avoid vulnerability in friendships, we don’t let our friends know how important they are to us, even if we care about them very much. People typically want to feel trusted and meaningful in the lives of people close to them. Successful relationships require a balance of give and take. Share more honestly and offer support when a friend shares with you.

Vulnerability at Work

Professional relationships come with specific challenges and unwritten rules. We often present a very different version of ourselves in our professional lives. Although professional boundaries do very much exist, vulnerability in the workplace can benefit many of our workplace relationships.

We are often socialized to believe our worth is contingent on being complicit, efficient, and near perfect in the professional sphere. Anything short can threaten the stability of our professional identity with replacement. Many of us are expected to bring our fullest selves to work, so what if we did?

Vulnerability can create mutually beneficial relationships between employees and direct supervisors. Without vulnerability, lapses in performance may be attributed to a lack of care, lack of knowledge, or not enough effort. When we do not disclose struggles or external pressures impacting our work, we are further solidifying the expectation of perfection and productivity.

Practicing Vulnerability

Remember, vulnerability can be transformative for many relationships when practiced deliberately. Here are a few places to start practicing vulnerability:

Self-awareness and Self-acceptance: Identifying and understanding your own emotions is the foundation to any successful relationship. When we are aware of our own feelings and thoughts, we are better able to emotionally regulate and participate in relationships.

• Open Communication: Communicating our thoughts and feelings authentically and respectfully promotes further trust and reduces misunderstandings in relationships.

• Empathy and Active Listening: Empathy and active listening allows us to connect with the emotional landscapes of others and strengthens trust. Conflict is also more successfully managed when using empathy and active listening.

• Flexible Boundaries: Creating personal boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others allows for feeling safe in a relationship. Boundaries recognize that vulnerability will be shared at a comfortable pace for both individuals.

If you are interested in further exploring vulnerability in your relationships, you can schedule a free consultation with me through the link below or email me at amy@reconnectingrelationships.com

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Finding the Healing Part in Psychotherapy

Individual Therapy in Fort Worth | Therapy for Healing

One of the things I have been interested in since I joined this field is working with people who are struggling with medical complications. A medical complication can be sudden, diagnosed in a routine checkup with your physician. Some of the common diagnoses in such routine checkups are diabetes, thyroid issues, hypertension, respiratory disease, heart disease, and high cholesterol. Don’t feel frightened if you didn’t see your medical condition listed. There is a place for all in therapy! One question I get a lot when I tell someone I specialize working with individuals with medical complications is, “How do you cure a medical issue with psychotherapy?” I do not advertise psychotherapy being a cure for medical issues. I do, however, look at how we can verbalize the anxiety and stress that comes with these complications. For example, did you know it is common for people with diabetes to suffer from nightmares if untreated? This is one area psychotherapy can help. I help the individual look at the underlying emotional state of bearing health issues.

Poor Mental Health Can Take a Physical Toll

Medical complications can take a toll in many areas of your life. One important area is your mental health. If your mental health has declined, then other areas take a toll as well: job performance, family conflicts, sleep patterns, alcohol consumption, and much more. In therapy, together with the client, we look closely at what areas of your life are being harmed. We look at creative ways you can manage whatever is happening biologically. Internally we carry these different kinds of emotions that happen so fast we don’t realize their influence on the body. If we can look at these internal drives then perhaps we can manage symptoms of hypertension, weight issues, high blood sugar, or even diet and medication management. For instance, it is hard to regulate sugar intake when a person is in a repeated pattern of alcohol use or sleep issues. We crave more sugar under these circumstances.

It is common to feel vulnerable when addressing these issues in therapy. It is uncomfortable for most because verbalizing this in therapy comes with a kind of fear of not being in control. No one wants to feel they are not in control. You will find support in therapy in managing stress, anxiety, and other emotional issues related to health conditions. If this resonates with you, do not feel shame for asking for help.