I Believe You!

While it is disheartening to hear the numerous accounts of women being violated and mistreated by the movie mogul, Harvey Weinstein, I am glad that this topic is being given the spotlight it deserves.  Each narrative serves as a reminder of the struggles that still exist for women today.  But in light of the deceptions that have occurred, it is also inspiring to see the number of individuals who are being brave enough to speak out against this magnate who has abused his power and authority for way too long. 

One thing that I noticed being advocated on social media was the #MeToo campaign.  I found it interesting how each time I logged into my FB page, there was yet another person posting #MeToo.  It was similar to the unraveling of the Weinstein debacle.  Every time I picked up my phone, I learned of another celebrity who had been affected by his vile behaviors.  It seemed as each person stepped forward to tell their story, others gained the confidence to follow suit.  Amazing! 

Revealing traumatizing incidents is not easy and many victims hold off on disclosing for fear of rejection, shame, embarrassment, among other reasons.  Silence perpetuates the cycle of nondisclosure making it more difficult to discuss after a period of time has passed.  Therefore, when an individual is ready to disclose that moment can be consequential to their healing. 

One woman on FB said she was surprised that the #MeToo campaign helped her see that she was not alone in her experience with sexual assault.  The more dialogue we have with each other about this topic, the more it provides us with understanding and connection.  Feeling alone is very common and can make the abused feel isolated. 

But in speaking, there is also listening.  So, while one person is ready to speak another may be unsure or leery of hearing.  They may feel uncertain of how to verbally respond in an empathic manner. Or the information being shared might put the listener in a position of responsibility.  Now you have this knowledge, and what do you do with it? There is bravery on both ends – speaker and the responsible listener. 

In the recent events, what has occurred is a movement that promotes validity.  Validity says “I believe you.”  Those who have spoken out against Weinstein include not only the individuals directly affected by him but those who have been witness to Weinstein’s poor character.  These people have stepped up to validate the numerous accounts that have been given, allowing for those who have been hurt to begin healing. 

I think what tends to happen is that this topic of sexual abuse can seem ugly and uncomfortable.  And it is.  However, it’s way too important to avoid it.  Silence only makes it stronger, and it’s our voices that will help us take a stand against sexual abuse.  And in that process, we find that there are people who can and will say, “I believe you.” And I can declare, “#MeToo.”

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE DISCLOSURE

For many survivors, the discussion of past child sexual abuse (CSA) is a difficult one to have.  More often than not, these group of people wait at least five years before disclosing their traumatic story to another soul.  And, even though the abuse occurred when the victim was a child or an adolescent, the majority do not disclose until they reach their adult years.  A great part of the victim’s life has changed, and sadly enough, their struggle is one that they endure in a covert and yet, emotionally tumultuous manner.  

Family dynamics plays a big part in deciding whether or not to reveal their abuse.  Too often, sexual abuse occurs at the hands of a family member or close family friend.  This complicates matters for the CSA victim.  The young individual is greatly betrayed and can lose trust in adults.  Consequently, trust and intimacy are two valuable components that are necessary to achieve a healthy relationship.  Interpersonal relationships become compromised.  Women of CSA are more likely to be re-victimized in their adult relationships.

As the individual attempts to continue on in their day-to-day life, it becomes a struggle to juggle their secret and maintain a life that appears “normal.”  CSA victims can be affected in many ways.  Some suffer from PTSD, anxiety, or depression.  Other symptoms include hypervigilance, irritability, sleep disorders, low self-esteem, panic attacks, promiscuity, and more.  There are many challenges the victim will face.  But even more daunting, is the idea that they feel alone and misunderstood.

After years of secrecy, it can seem difficult to come out and speak about the past abuse. Seeking professional help is recommended.  Working with a therapist, the CSA survivor can make decisions on how, when, or if he or she will disclose to family or friends.  The adult survivor can begin to explore and examine the results of CSA in the safe and confidential environment of counseling.  Together, a plan can be made to help ease the process of disclosure and discover healthy ways to cope with negative thoughts and emotions.  No longer does the survivor have to walk alone.

“Hummingbird shows us how to re-visit the past for the purpose of releasing it instead of being caught in a permanently backward flight pattern. It also helps us to see that if we step aside we may see our life differently. Hummingbird teaches us to transcend time, to recognize that what has happened in the past and what might happen in the future is not nearly as important as what we are experiencing now. It teaches us to hover in the moment, to appreciate its sweetness.”

– Constance Barrett Sohodski 

Hall, M., & Hall, J. (2011). The long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse: Counseling implications. Retrieved from http://counselingoutfitters.com/vistas/vistas11/Article_19.pdf

University of Montreal. (2010, January 22). Disclosing sexual abuse is critical. ScienceDaily. Retrieved October 7, 2015 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/01/100119121422.htm

Youth Villages. (2012, April 13). In child sexual abuse, strangers aren't the greatest danger, experts say. ScienceDaily. Retrieved October 12, 2015 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120413100854.htm