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CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE DISCLOSURE

For many survivors, the discussion of past child sexual abuse (CSA) is a difficult one to have.  More often than not, these group of people wait at least five years before disclosing their traumatic story to another soul.  And, even though the abuse occurred when the victim was a child or an adolescent, the majority do not disclose until they reach their adult years.  A great part of the victim’s life has changed, and sadly enough, their struggle is one that they endure in a covert and yet, emotionally tumultuous manner.  

Family dynamics plays a big part in deciding whether or not to reveal their abuse.  Too often, sexual abuse occurs at the hands of a family member or close family friend.  This complicates matters for the CSA victim.  The young individual is greatly betrayed and can lose trust in adults.  Consequently, trust and intimacy are two valuable components that are necessary to achieve a healthy relationship.  Interpersonal relationships become compromised.  Women of CSA are more likely to be re-victimized in their adult relationships.

As the individual attempts to continue on in their day-to-day life, it becomes a struggle to juggle their secret and maintain a life that appears “normal.”  CSA victims can be affected in many ways.  Some suffer from PTSD, anxiety, or depression.  Other symptoms include hypervigilance, irritability, sleep disorders, low self-esteem, panic attacks, promiscuity, and more.  There are many challenges the victim will face.  But even more daunting, is the idea that they feel alone and misunderstood.

After years of secrecy, it can seem difficult to come out and speak about the past abuse. Seeking professional help is recommended.  Working with a therapist, the CSA survivor can make decisions on how, when, or if he or she will disclose to family or friends.  The adult survivor can begin to explore and examine the results of CSA in the safe and confidential environment of counseling.  Together, a plan can be made to help ease the process of disclosure and discover healthy ways to cope with negative thoughts and emotions.  No longer does the survivor have to walk alone.

“Hummingbird shows us how to re-visit the past for the purpose of releasing it instead of being caught in a permanently backward flight pattern. It also helps us to see that if we step aside we may see our life differently. Hummingbird teaches us to transcend time, to recognize that what has happened in the past and what might happen in the future is not nearly as important as what we are experiencing now. It teaches us to hover in the moment, to appreciate its sweetness.”

– Constance Barrett Sohodski 

Hall, M., & Hall, J. (2011). The long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse: Counseling implications. Retrieved from http://counselingoutfitters.com/vistas/vistas11/Article_19.pdf

University of Montreal. (2010, January 22). Disclosing sexual abuse is critical. ScienceDaily. Retrieved October 7, 2015 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/01/100119121422.htm

Youth Villages. (2012, April 13). In child sexual abuse, strangers aren't the greatest danger, experts say. ScienceDaily. Retrieved October 12, 2015 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120413100854.htm

Surviving the Damages from an Affair

What exactly is an affair?  Many people have different definitions for this word.  Some people believe an affair is having a sexual relationship with someone outside of the relationship, others believe becoming emotionally attached to someone else is considered having an affair, while some believe the act of watching pornography could be considered an affair.  This is why it is so important to communicate individual expectations with your partner in where healthy boundaries and limits can be established in order to protect your relationship.  

If an affair within the relationship does occur, it can be very detrimental to the relationship, as well as to the non-offending partner.  However, just because damage has been done, does not mean it cannot be repaired!  It won’t happen overnight, but with the guidance and support of a skilled professional, it can be done.

You may be asking yourself, “How?”  A licensed therapist will be able to help the couple identify the underlying contributions to the affair.  The shared responsibility of these contributions may not be equal; however, addressing each partner’s role in the relationship could provide clues on issues that weakened the relationship prior to the affair.  This can help the couple prevent these circumstances in the future.  A therapist will also help the couple with improving their communication patterns.  They will learn how to “communicate more sensitively, how to listen with more respect, how to talk about sensitive issues without anger or criticism, and how to offer more positivity…” (Heitler, 2011).  The most difficult aspects of surviving the affair are forgiveness and trust.  Be prepared for the long haul while repairing these pieces.  It can, however, be done while working with a therapist through the anger, pain, and fears. 

Once the communication gate is open and flowing, and the partners have repaired trust, it may be time to explore restoring the couple’s intimacy.  In the beginning, sexual intimacy may be compared to the intimacy that occurred during the affair.  The therapist can help the couple come back together in order to achieve more enjoyable and pleasurable intimacy that may have been missing or lacking previously.  

With all of this being said, in order for the couple to survive this rainstorm, both partners have to be willing to repair the damages together.  This can all be done with the support and help from a professional therapist.  Some couples even report developing an even stronger and more intimate relationship after surviving the affair!

References:

Bloom, Charlie & Bloom, Linda. (2010, May 10). Is there (marital) life after an affair? [Web log post] Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201005/is-there-marital-life-after-affair

Heitler, Susan. (2011, Nov 1). Recovery from an affair. [Web log post] Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201111/recovery-affair

McCarthy, Barry W. (2012, Jan 2). Sexual recovery from an extramarital affair. [Web log post] Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/whats-your-sexual-style/201201/sexual-recovery-extramarital-affair

Hey! I'm Grace!

My name is Grace, and I am thrilled to be a therapist at Reconnecting Relationships Therapy. 

I would like to share with you a little of my background and experiences that has brought me to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. To be completely honest I would have not started the path to become a therapist if were not for other therapists that touched my life. They believed in my potential and dedicated their time to strengthen my God-given qualities. Getting to know other therapists in my life made me realize they all genuinely respected me as an individual, and were rooting for my success. Today, I apply that valuable lesson with every client that I get to work with. No matter my client’s background, faith, culture or past/current hardships, they deserve my respect and support to reach their personal goals! 

My approach in therapy is to empower my clients by using their natural strengths and introducing additional skills to overcome various life struggles. I do this by using a family systems model that encourages healthy communication, respect, clear boundaries, and flexibility to develop healthy relationships with self and others. 

I’ve been married for three years and do not have children. However, I do have a Papillion named Simba that I completely adore! My favorite things to do are spending time with family and friends and traveling. I have found a passion in traveling to new countries as I come to learn and experience new cultures and different ways of living life. 

Thank you for taking the time to know me on a more personal level. If you have not had an opportunity to read the self-introductions of the other therapists at RRT, I encourage you to do so. 

Please keep coming back to our blog!  We plan to continue sharing a variety of resources that encourage self-growth and positive relationships. 

Getting to Know Jenifer!

Hello!!  I just want to take a minute and introduce myself to all of you and share a little bit of my history and background.  I thought I’d start off by sharing with you why I chose to become a Marriage and Family Therapist! 

Ever since I was a little girl, my parents always told me I would be a therapist when I grew up.  I was that kid that wanted to know, “why”…why people felt the way they did and if they were sad I wanted to cheer them up.  Even going through middle school and high school, I was the friend everyone would turn to when they needed to talk to someone, or they just needed to vent.  Now, I am still that little girl who wants to know “why” and that friend who everyone turns to.  This is what fuels my passion for my clients today.  I chose to focus my therapeutic attention on marriage, mostly, because going into graduate school I knew I wanted to pursue a specialization in sex therapy.  

For the past 6 years I have been employed by an adult novelty store where I have gained a vast knowledge of sexual awareness and sex education.  Thanks to customers who have been open and felt like they could talk to me, it has in turn opened my mind up to the more sensual and private endeavors in a couples’ relationship.  Working at my store, I feel, has prepared me for this field and has allowed me to help my clients in a more personal and private way, more than sitting in a classroom could have.  

On a more personal note, I am not married, nor do I have any children.  I do, however, have two VERY spoiled cats that I absolutely adore!  I really enjoy reading—my favorites are mysteries and romance.  Another favorite thing of mine is spending time with my closest friends; just eating sushi and sharing stories! 

I hope that by sharing a little piece of me has allowed you to see me on a more personal level, as more of an equal.  We all experience life in very different ways, but, nonetheless, we all experience times of hardships and happiness.

Hi! My Name Is Zully!

Hi there!  Let me introduce myself.  My name is Zully and I’m so excited to share with you experiences and life challenges that I’ve accumulated over the years as a student, mother, and wife.  Sometimes things are easy and other times they are just plain awful.  Some are small struggles while others are giant hurdles.  But one thing I have learned, that I hope I can help others with, is that situations are always changing and opportunities often present themselves in order for us to make things better.  However, those are not always obvious to us and, at times, we require a little help in seeing things in a different light.  

I’m a mother of two superb, clever young ladies, ages 10 and 14.  As you can imagine they are my pride and joy.  The other wonderful person in my life that is equally responsible for these amazing creatures is my husband of 16 years.  Oh and let’s not forget our youngest of all…Chloe, our 5 year old chocolate lab/pit bull mix.  She really is my third child that might never grow up.  

My passion in therapy is in promoting resiliency and strength in families, couples, and individuals.  I love seeing how children can blossom into their roles as teens and young adults.  However, these transitions are not always a smooth ride for everyone involved.  There are bumps along the way.  Many times people get stuck in patterns that are constricting or unproductive.  I help to explore alternative ways of handling and perceiving such challenges.  

So, along the way you will find that I tend to share with you experiences of my own, new developments in studies and research, and techniques that I feel can be useful in strengthening your relationship with yourself and others.  Thanks for reading and keep learning to keep growing!